Helpless {z.m}

Chapter 1. Chicken Salad.

I need help.

Like I actually need help.

I'm broken.

Me being in a band, means so much to me, but I can't continue like this anymore. I have to do what's right for me. Even if that includes breaking millions of people's hearts. I'm not happy.

Not even my band members like me. Except for two. Niall and Harry.

Louis and Liam on the other hand, absolutely hate me.

They act like I'm their best friend and we're the happiest of friends in the world, but the truth is, it's all an act.

Outside of concerts, interviews and meeting fans or other famous people, they act like I don't even exist. I have absolutely no idea what I have ever done to them.

It all started once the smoking video of me and Louis got leaked. He stopped talking to me.

Louis must have said something to Liam which made him stop talking to me but i don't know what it was.

Niall and Harry are the two best friends towards each other. I'm like the third wheel, they only take me in when I have no one else. They do stand up for me though. Against Louis and Liam. They understand the way Louis and Liam act towards me and they stand up for me. But they don't actually know the real me.

The real me isn't some bitch or some rude person.

The real me is depressed.

I was diagnosed with depression back in February 2013 and the only person who knows about it, is Niall.

I've been meaning to tell Harry, but I just don't know how to. I'm sure Niall has probably dropped some hints every now and then about me, but Harry being the clueless idiot he is, doesn't get the hints.

I have show tonight, Sydney, Australia.

I'm not ready to go out, and put on a brave face and perform in front of more than 60,000 people. Yet before every show, Niall comes to me and gives me a little pep talk to get me motivated and encouraged for the show.

I'm in my bed currently scrolling through options on safari, on how to be happy while I get interrupted by a phone call.

"Hey man! How are you?" I hear a bright and chirpy Niall, something I'll never be.

"Fine, how about you?" I ask trying to sound fine but I most definitely am not.

"Yeah good good, listen I won't be able to come down before the show today, is that okay? I can send Harry down for you?"

"Nah dude it's okay"

"I'm serious Zayn, I'm sending Harry down whether you like it or not." He says with a serious tone.

"Thanks dude, it means the world to me."

"Well, you are part of my world."

"Awe, Niall!" I say in a happy voice, meaning it.

"Uh, Anyways I have to go. See ya later." He says while clearing his throat.

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"Hi Zayn." Harry says while I open the door for him.

"Hey mate, how are you?"

"Good, how about you? Niall said you're not feeling that well? What's up?"

"Um, yeah, I've got a minor headache and a bit of a sore throat." I lie. I'm not that good at lying but I've grown better over the years. Which is not a good thing.