May Death Do Us Part | RB ✔︎

EIGHTEEN ☆ MONHAGEN

Another long one. :)
enjoy <3

Maybe I've lost my mind.

Maybe I'm dead and everything from before is just replaying in a loop as a constant purgatory. Maybe I'm in hell, forced to remember all of the horrible things I've done.

I wish it were that way. But the moment I open my eyes to find that I'd fallen asleep on the closet floor in clothes that ride up and down in ways that have me exposed during almost every movement, I realize that nothing was a dream.

I'm unfortunately still alive.

And I killed someone last night.

In front of hundreds of people.

I get to my feet, my heels from the night before discarded on the floor. I peel my clothes off, pressing my hands to the ceramic counter which holds up the mirror.

I stand in nothing but smudged makeup and a lace thong, glaring at myself in the reflection of the mirror.

The Temptress is back.

Her cold eyes stare back, challenging me to a duel for control. Taunting me to follow Voldemort's every command. To give her full power.

I can feel the dark magic burning through my veins in the form of fiery ice, cold and angry and violent. It lashes out at my emotions, trying to loosen my grasp on my sanity and it's slowly working.

I won't survive here. I know I won't.

If I have to serve Voldemort as the girl who's killed one hundred and twenty-nine people, I'm going to forget who I am. I'm going to turn into this creature that he wants me to become. This heartless killer that he wants on his side.

And, shit, he might get his way.

A soft knock on the door has me flinching in surprise. I move to grab a hoodie from the rack, engulfed in Tom's minty scent and cursing under my breath.

I kissed him last night.

I tasted him last night.

I betrayed Regulus last night.

I can feel the guilt gnawing away at my insides like maggots on a corpse,

eating and
eating and
eating

until I'm nothing but a jumbled mess of guilt and regret and hatred and self-loathing and... so so much more.

My head spins and I pinch at the bridge of my nose, my fingers barely poking out from the cotton fabric of the hoodie.

I killed Trelawney last night.

To prove my loyalty to a man I betrayed twenty years ago.

To save her from the tortures she'd endure.

To keep Regulus from harm.

There's the knocking again, still soft but slightly louder this time. I curse under my breath and make my way to the door, pulling it open and grimacing as I realize I'm lacking pants.

Standing in front of Theo in a black lace thong and Tom's hoodie is something I never thought I'd live to see.

He smiles awkwardly, looking anywhere but me while twiddling his fingers in an uncomfortable wave. I grumble, sweeping my arm in a "come in" motion. He shuffles past and I click the door shut gently behind him.