Poems for the Heart

To set the world on Fire (Ode to a ruthless God)

And sometimes you want to set the world on fire
But you don't
And you don't
'Cause you know it won't solve a thing

But how you long
For the smell of the ashes
And the warmth of the flames
Like the ghost of a touch

But you don't
'Cause it's not the world
And that's what you tell yourself late at night
It's me it's me it's not them
It's not them

So you don't light up that fire
Not tonight, no
Not tonight, no
But you're longing for its warmth

And you find a touch
It's not what you want
It's not gentle, not kind
Maybe it's what you deserve
It's rough and it's sharp
But warmth enough
You tell yourself that you deserve it
And you believe it

Days passed
That spark it's gone
And you're still grasping at its ashes
It's not enough it's not
Maybe it'll never be

You long for the fire
For the burn and the smoke
And you're wondering
Maybe a smoke could help

You light up a cigarette
Sitting in the middle of an empty bed
I don't care I don't
You say to yourself
The smoke it's bitter
But it tastes sweet to you
And the cold it's forgotten
At the least for now
It will be enough It will
You repeat
You don't believe it
This time you're right

You start coughing every day
You decide to quit
The smoke doesn't help anymore
It wasn't enough

Those thoughts come back
And you want to set the world on fire
But you don't
You're not sure why

Why not?
You ask yourself
You don't have an answer
Or maybe yes

You're waiting
And wondering
And you're starving for that warmth
You're starving for a touch

You're tired this time
You don't feel yourself anymore
And you have an idea
A terrible and fascinating idea

I can't set the world on fire
You remember yourself
And you have the answer
You can't 'cause it doesn't belong to you

Because it's everyone's
And it feels everyone's but yours
So you search for something to burn
Something yours alone
And you can't find it
You're desperate
But you don't find it
Until you do

You remember an old quote
Something about death and regret
And how at the end
We belong only to ourselves
So you found it
You did it
You found something to burn

And you still want to set the world on fire
And you still don't
It feels like a broken record
The same story again and again
But it's not it's not
This time will be different
This fire will last
Or I will end with it
You lie to yourself again
You've become quite good at it

So you collect your courage
And your matches
And the gasoline
And you do it

The spark it's flebile but it's here
You're not religious
You don't know how to pray
Or to who

The only god here is the fire
So you close your eyes
Say a prayer
And let the spark grow

The flames are warm
You're cold
You're still freezing
It's not enough

Will it ever be?
You scream to the sky
To the ground
To your god

The fire doesn't answer
Doesn't even acknowledge you
And you're not surprised
The gods never do it

You're burning
And screaming
There are ashes on your clothes
On your hair
Under your nails
The smoke fills your lungs
You don't cough
You're used to it

Still
It's not enough
The flames aren't warm
You're cold
But the world feels colder
It's doesn't work
Maybe it's not you
Maybe the only real answer it's the first

You're still alive
Not unarmed no
But alive
You're broken but not desperate
Not this time
This time you're angry

You shout at the world
You laugh and you cry
Like you haven't done in a lifetime
And you feel alive
Even for a little while
It won't last
You remember yourself
And this time you're wrong

You're angry and you're right
You meet others
They're like you
Broken and burnt and alive

You almost thank the fire
Almost
You're not at that point
Not yet

You start changing
It's the small things
It wouldn't seem much
But they understand
Oh, they understand
Your thoughts and your regrets
They worship the fire too
You're not alone
Not anymore

You're afraid
History repeats itself
You think you'll lose them
You won't
You're wrong
You've never been more wrong

They're still with you
They'll be for a long time
You've found yourself a family
In the end it's all you need

Someone who understands
Or at least tries to
And maybe
This time
It's enough

You still want to set the world on fire
Maybe it's a feeling that will never fade
But now you can control it
Better than before
It doesn't hurt anymore
To watch yourself in the mirror

You'll always cough
When the wind rises
And the dust fills the air
You're used to it
You don't mind it anymore
Maybe it's ok

You're at peace now
At least you try
It'll always be a fight
But you're alive
You'll survive

It's time to thank the fire
Bring an offer to your god
It helped, in the end
So, what do you sacrifice?

Bring your memories
Leave them there
Let the flames wash them clean
Ashes gone in the wind

You did it
You won
You survived
And your memories won't hurt anymore

Not like before no
They'll always be there
Even the fire can't destroy them
But you've overcome their pain

In the end
It's all that matters
Believe me
I was skeptical too