Can You Tell I Haven't Slept Very Well Since We Last Spoke? - A Jemily Fanfic

5. New Orleans

Emily POV:
The weekend dragged on, i continued my monotonous routine of getting up, drinking half a bottle of wine while watching trashy TV and going back to bed. The only thing keeping me in reality was thinking about JJ. JJ and her golden smile and her hair that fell just so perfectly. JJ and her lips, her lips that kissed onto Emily's cheek that felt like they left a burn, I seemed to be carrying that kiss everywhere she went. JJ and her green lace underwear she looked just so pretty in. JJ and- my phone buzzed snapping me out of my daze.

I smiled, it was JJ texting me goodnight, she does that occasionally it makes me happy. I think she knows that secretly. I reply to her before rolling back into my sheets praying Monday would show up quicker so I could see her again. I felt so pathetic being this attached to my best friend, it's not like she needed me this badly. 

I needed her to feel alive, she was like the air in my lungs. She brought out the best in me, she helped me remember to eat, she motivated me to get out of bed, to just exist without JJ felt like trying to survive without water. It was ridiculous, pathetic down right stupid even. To be so dependant on a person like i was.

I felt like crying

—————————————————

Eventually, Monday did roll around and I managed to pull myself out of the pit which was my room, get dressed, throwing on the nearest pantsuit with a white shirt, and drag myself out of the apartment and into my car.

I pulled up to work dreading the day but also pleased to see JJ again. It sounds so pathetic but I had missed her. I slumped down at my desk somehow exhausted from laying in my bed all weekend.

"Coffee, black, and a croissant," I looked up to see JJ smiling placing a brown paper bag and a paper coffee cup on my desk. "Eat, i know you haven't yet." I smiled, she was amazing.

"Thank you." I mouthed as she leant down and hugged me. She had no idea how much I'd been craving that hug this weekend.

"Conference room we have a case." Hotch's stern voice sounded from the doorway of his office. I nodded getting up and following JJ to the room where she was to present.

I listened intently to every word leaving JJ's lips glancing occasionally at her face and making eye contact with her. We were heading to New Orleans a third body had been found there dead in the same way as two previously. The same profile and cause of death, fit white males in their mid 20s to 30s being killed by asphyxiation. We were being called in as our latest victim was Charles Luvet a NOPD police officer.

We got on the jet not 30 minutes later deciding immediately to sit by JJ.
"You okay Jayje?" I asked frowning noticing the worried expression on her face.
"Yeah, yeah sorry in a world of my own." She smiled at me placing her hand gently on my knee and squeezing lightly to reassure me. "I'm good Em, I promise."

I nodded, resting my head against her shoulder closing my eyes in preparation of a 3 hour flight.

———————————————

We arrived at the NOPD station quickly to gather what evidence we could on the first day. I tried my hardest to focus on the case at hand but all I could see from the corner of my eye was JJ. JJ twirling her hair and smiling as she talked to William LaMontagne or whatever his name was. My chest pangs with jealousy at the small things she does. I can't keep doing this, maybe i should just tell her so she can just reject me already, so she can change her opinion of me, so she can find out I've lying to her this whole time. Oh hi JJ just coming to let you know that I'm a lesbian I haven't told you yet, and oh one more thing I'm madly in love with you.

I take a deep breath closing my eyes tightly stopping the tears threatening to fall. I don't need this at work.

"Let's come back to this with fresh eyes tomorrow." Hotch instructed, "It's almost 9. We managed to book 3 rooms in the hotel near here but it's quite busy due to the seasonal tourism. Some 2 single bed rooms and 1 double bed room."

"Me and Em can take the double," JJ chirped up. "She stays at mine often enough anyway." I felt panic rise in my face as I realised I'd have to sleep in the same bed as JJ. I sighed agreeing, not wanting to feel the wrath of Hotch if he has to share a bed with Rossi.

I threw my go bag onto the double bed next to JJ's and took my pyjamas with me to get changed in the bathroom, I've seen JJ in her underwear enough times but she's never seen me. I don't want her to, I'm scarred and hideous under my shirt. Stab wounds and cuts from my past is not something JJ needs to see. I walked out of the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt with the FBI logo on. JJ is getting changed as I walk about clearly unbothered by my presence. I frown as I notice some bruising on her hips but remind myself not to stare, even if she is gorgeous. She pulls on a pair of tight fitting sleep shorts and a T-shirt to match. My eyes dart around not sure where to look.

I sit cross legged on the bed, picking at my nail polish.
"Hey Em?" She sits across from me so our knees are touching, "Can I ask something?" I nod and she proceeds. "Are you okay Em? Like really, you've been really quiet today, like on the plane you didn't speak to anyone and when we got to the station you didn't even introduce yourself to anyone."

Oh. She noticed. I stare at her unsure how to respond. Do i tell her? About my apartment, about the mood that comes along with it, about how she cheers me up and reminds me to look after myself? I shrug.
"I'm fine Jayje. Honestly." I look away from her finding something else to focus on, I couldn't lie while looking her in the eyes. She knows this.

"Em c'mon." She put her hand on my jaw forcing me to look her in the eyes, moving her face closer to mine at an attempt to get me to tell her the truth. "You can tell me anything."

Fuck it.

'Even before i was touched, I belonged to you; you only had to look at me.' - Louise Glück