Irish Lullaby (Book One of A Violent Melody Duet)

Chapter Seven

Ronan's words had gotten to both her father and Nicholas, he was latched onto her for the rest of the wake. The hold he kept on her was harsh and the way he crushed her to him as they slept was nothing but intolerable. She woke to him the last day of the wake with his face between her legs, the smooth skin on his cheeks made it feel as if a baby seal was curling up to nap against her. She faked her way to the end when he decided he needed some attention for himself, she pictured Ronan the entire time.
"So when do you plan on starting for children?" A sister of an uncle asked the couple as Fallon sipped from her glass of some sort of alcohol. She almost spit it out over the women when Nicholas responded for the both of them
"Right away, I can't wait to have a child. I just know Fallon will be the best mother." Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him, failing to hide the frantic fear in her gaze. She was not ready to be a mother and how did he even know if she would be a good one? She had no example other than that of childhood cartoons and that was not enough to raise a real human being. For all she knew she would turn the child into a raging lunatic, with him as a father he might end up a mass murderer.
They were not the type of people meant to nurture the future generation.
"Oh I cannot wait, a baby with Fallon's eyes and your hair would be just the most gorgeous thing in the world." Nicholas nodded in agreement and stroked his fiance's cheek lovingly.
"Might have to keep them locked away like Fallon was, her father had the right idea keeping this one out of sight from prying eyes." That was gross, on many levels.
She just smiled and hoped they would move the conversation along. Soon they did, to the topic of weather in Greece and she happily made small talk on how lovely it was this time of year and accepted the compliments on her skin that no longer resembled a similar color to that of milk. The conversations went on and on till night had long seeped into the sky.
Her mother approached her with a glass of bubbling champagne and a look that made her want to scurry off. She was dressed once again as if she were to be photographed for the cover of a magazine, a very over the top look for a funeral of a child that was not your own.
"Daughter, let us go talk in private." She didn't like the sound of that.
Her mother led her back down the hall to the library and flashes of Ronan came to her. The feel of his lips, the hardness of his body, the way he made her skin heat. She down the drink her mother had given her and took a seat opposite the couch she had hoped he would take her on.
Her mother sat on the couch and crossed her legs, taking a small sip of her own drink before placing it on the table. She didn't speak for a long moment, just watched her daughter with unkind eyes.
Two nights prior she had dreamed of her father being shot in this room, had that happened she would not have ended up being stuck in here with her mother.
Inaction had consequences and she was facing one of them now.
"I have pushed off this conversation for a long while, it is not one a mother wants to have with their child but as your wedding day grows closer and your husband yearns for affection it is time." Fallon blinked at her mother.
Was she going to be given the sex talk at her cousin's wake? She felt this was the most appropriate time?
"I know we have kept you unaware of most things physically but I have seen those books the maids sometimes slip you. I am glad you are not fully unaware of the affections expected of a married couple." Her mother pulled at the skirt of her dress, neither made eye contact with the other.
She was starting to wish Ronan had taken that gun and shot her with it.
"Nicholas will be expecting you to fulfill him on your wedding night and many nights after. He will find his release but as a woman we must accept that most often than not we will not find our own." She raised her gaze to her mothers face while glancing everywhere but her own was passive and gave no detail on how her mother felt about this talk.
"You will come familiar with pleasing him and making sure he feels desired even if the act itself gives you no relief." She blinked again.
"I myself have taken too..." Oh no, oh no, no, no, no.
"Mother, I understand." She cut her off before words spilled from her mouth somehow worse than the ones already shared. Had she not started to feel fuzzy from the drinks she had consumed she might have vomited all over the floor.
Conversations like this one was the reason behavioral therapy was discovered.
"Oh... Good." Her mother picked up her glass and took a long slow sip.
"You may find enjoyment with him, he is a handsome and strong man but just know it would be no surprise if it took some time to get there." She had thought her words would end this conversation.
"Fallon" Her mother finally met her gaze. "Sacrifices are made everyday for the good of the family." Her mother stood and took her drink with her, leaving Fallon alone in the library that now held two very different places in her mind.
She did not like the way she spoke that last sentence, did not like the tone or the look she had been given. She knew her family had many secrets, some she knew, most she didn't. She wondered what secrets her mother was holding that bled through into her eyes tonight and how they would inevitably cause more suffering in Fallons life.
—
She didn't think she had drinken much tonight but as she stumbled around the halls back to her and Nicholas's room she felt more intoxicated than on the night Ronan found her in that bar. It felt different too, not as warm or tantalizing. She felt as if she was disassociating from her body and was almost shocked when she managed to reach the bed in their room. She curled up in the blankets and pillows, still wearing her black dress of the night. It clung to her skin but she barely felt it as her eyes grew heavy and she faded in and out.
Fingers digging into her skin woke her from the haze. Her skin was cold and bare and her undergarments had been taken away from her as well. She tried to shove away the hands that gripped her too hard in all the wrong spots but it was like a butterfly fluttering its wings more than a woman fighting against another human.
"No." Her voice slurred but whoever touched her either ignored the sound or did not hear it. She felt lips on her skin and words being whispered against her thighs.
"Nicholas." She struggled to voice his name, his face came into vision with a smile on his face and a look in his eyes that made her frightened.
"I have been waiting so long for this, to feel you so deeply." She had drunk too much, had not enough control of her own body to tell him no, to beg the words she thought in her mind as she listened to his pants fall away and felt him pressed himself against her fully.
She felt very little, too intoxicated to make out when he started or when he finally finished. He had spoken words of sweet to her but each sentence made her sicker and sicker as he talked about how soft she was and how good she felt. She wanted to hear none of it, wanted to remember none of it. As he rolled away and pulled the blanket of their bodies and pressed her back to his bare front she let the tears fall. Her voice had failed her along with her limbs but her mind still had enough strength not to let him see the weakness he made her feel, he could take everything but he would not take her strength.
She woke alone the next morning, her body hurt in places that never had before and she felt disgusted in herself as she looked between her thighs and the mess that was left. A choking sound left her body and her shoulder shook. She wrapped herself in the blanket that had done nothing to protect her the night before but felt as if a bronze shield now in the horridance morning light.
Sob after sob left her till her eyes stung in pain and her mucus coated the parts of the blanket she kept pressed to her face. She wanted to go back to Ireland, to the cage with windows that had left her in for two decades, she was missing the solitude and the safety in familiarity. No one wanted to even acknowledge her existence when she lived there, what a happier life it would be to not be seen once more. She yearned to fade into the backroom like a shadow in the night, yearned for it all, yearned for her parents to only find need for her when they had reasons to express anger.
A fist against flesh hurt for a while but she knew how to move on from that pain, this new ache he left within her soul she did not know how to handle.
"Miss, I was sent to help you pack." A maid she had seen walking the halls knocked before entering. She took one look at the girl on the bed and sighed knowingly. She was a girl again, no longer a woman who was to be wed, who had wants and desires and needs of her own. She was just a little girl, lost in her head and the pain people gave but never explained. She had no one to explain any of this to her, she never had anyone to explain.
She had no one.
"Let me help you to the shower, it will make you feel much better after a long night." The maid spoke softly as if she was trying not to startle a feral kitten.
Her hand reached for Fallon but she fell away at the last moment and squeaked in fear, she couldn't handle being touched, touching was what had gotten her into this state.
"I will not hurt you, miss, but you do need a shower.' Fallon nodded but did not speak, she had no reason to when words could not help her, they only ever caused her problems.
She dropped the blanket and walked bare to the open door of the restroom. She heard the maid suck in a breath at the sight of her but did not react, she just kept walking until she shut the door and turned the lock. Her eyes met a dull pair of green ones that she used to know but no longer looked the same. Her skin was dotted with red and blue markings that had her hating the sight of her reflection. Her thighs, god her thighs were raw and coated in hardened white and pink release. It had mixed with her blood and turned a shade of color she now despised.
She never wanted to see the color pink again.
She looked away in shame and hobbled to the shower, turning the water as hot as it went in hopes of burning away each inch of flesh he had ever touched. It left her withering in pain as her skin turned from a shade of pink to a bright and blistering red. She took it all, taking down the shower head and scorching away the filth left behind. She let out a scream as the heated water met her thighs, it was excruciating but she still held strong to the shower head as the tears once more fell. The pain of the water took her mind away, brought her somewhere else where she found seconds of reprieve, freedom from a prison forming in her thoughts.
It would not last.
She stayed in that shower as the room filled with mist so thick she began choking on it, she stayed as the heat dwindled and became an icy burn, she stayed until her maid who had been knocking periodically to make sure she still breathed begged her to come out. She stayed until her mind went numb, until all thoughts of the night before were weighed down under a heavy blanket of disregard she held in place with all she had.
A white rob that was soft and fluffy laid against a wall hook, she took the protective layer and bundled herself up before entering the room and refusing to make eye contact with the maid who felt pity so strongly she could almost taste it in the air.
"All your items have been packed and a man came to collect them. I left an outfit for you on the chair." She looked at the bed that had been stripped and remade in her time in the shower. She looked to the chair where long pants and a long sleeved shirt waited for her. She looked towards the maid who while still pitied her had a look of understanding, she knew what happened and she knew how to help her in a way Fallon didn't even know she needed help with.
"Thank you." The words came out raw and uneven but the maid smiled anyway and bid her farewell and safe travels.
She hoped their plane went down over the Atlantic.