Switched Up For you | Matthew Sturniolo

05 - slow mornings

I squirm around; batting my eyelashes slowly as they adjusted to the dim lighting in the room, the stream of sunlight warming up my skin as I run my hands down my face, trying to make sense of my surroundings when I turn around to see Chris, his beautiful blue eyes were heavy, he looked so sleepy but when he saw me he smiled and when I saw him, I couldn't help but grin.

“Morning..” He mumbles, the pillow from last night was removed. I wasn't sure how or when but I didn't question it.
I only pressed my back against his chest and melted into his arms that were loose around my thighs before I flipped my position to where I was sitting with my legs dangled by his sides.

“Hi” I giggle, taking in his features, lightly running my palm down the side of his face. “I kind of miss mornings like this” He says in a hushed tone, pulling me closer; inches away from his face. I feel my ears glow red, I run my teeth over my bottom lip as anxiety floods my body, I have no idea what was happening but I didn't prevent it, I chose to play along.

“Oh yeah?” I say, tracing my palm down his soft ivory skin, he watches me intensely, the tension grows thicker by the second as I playfully trace the collar of his baggy white tee,

“Yeah” He says, voice shaky. I fell closer into his face; bucking forward as our lips part, I felt his hot breath hit my tongue while his hands began to trickle down my sides, deliberately traveling slowly when it clicked with me that my brother was right next to me and could wake up at any given moment.

“Nate.” I whisper, reaching for his wrists. He furrows his brows and looks down at the two boys who are fast asleep then back up to me, “We’re fine” He reassures, thumbs circling around my hip bone, sending chills down my spine.

“What are we even doing?..” I pull back and shake my head, maybe I'm dreaming or just so happened to be stuck in my biggest nightmare, I wasn't quite sure. I didn't even know where to start but all I did know was that whatever was happening definitely would be a huge mistake.

Chris looks at me with worry and places his hands back onto his lap, allowing me to move off of him and flee the scene, completely embarrassed. I stand outside my door for a little while too long, just processing. I eventually walked into the living room with the worst headache of my life.

Did things just get weird? Did I do it? Did he do it? Why? Did I perceive it the wrong way? What if we kissed? What if Nick and Nate woke up? What if we went further? Why? Why do you always do this to yourself? Is it self sabotage or what? I hate myself.

My mind races like a trackhorse when I see Matt cuddled up on the sofa passed out, mouth open as snores slip out. I felt at peace. The sun kissed my skin as I pulled the curtains open to see the quiet morning outside, the glass was cold. It eased my nerves.
I took steady breaths and attempted to clear my mind.

“Morning” I hear from behind me,
my heart jumps before I realize it's just Nick.

“Hey” I say, turning away from the window to him who was trotting towards the kitchen. “Sleep well?” I ask, “Yes ma’am” He smiles, “Well someones in a good mood” I raise a brow, spinning onto the island stool.

“I just feel great, haven't gotten proper sleep in a while. ''
He says, reaching for a mug from the cabinet.

“Glad I could help.” I chuckle, leaning forward; watching the boy reach for a glass. “Thank youuu but I should wake up Chris and Matt. I think we have to record a vlog for next week.” He squints his eyes, thinking before picking up his phone to check his calendar. He stands correct.

“Is Chris not awake? I um–thought he was awake when I left”
I say, looking down.

“I'm not sure, he looked like he was asleep but I couldn't tell. Could you actually go check real quick? I gotta wake up Matt” My stomach swirls into a pit, how do I say no to such a simple task. I couldn't avoid him forever and I knew that but every time I think of his face I just get reminded of this morning “Yeah..” I say slipping off of the wooden stool, I go up to my door and hear two male voices speaking to one another; I press the door open to see Nate stretching.

“Good morning,” He says, smiling in my direction. Chris is still in the same spot I left him in, nonchalantly looking at his phone. How could he look so calm and collected after what had happened. It irritated me. “Is something wrong?” Nate questions, rising from the mattress. “Huh, oh yeah I was just seeing if Chris was awake because they need to leave soon” I explain, he nods and glances back at Chris who just continues to look upon his phone as if he couldn't hear us.

“What's his problem?” Nate jokes, before muscling past me,
I linger for a moment to see if he would approach me about earlier but he doesn't, eventually I just shut the door and exited the room, returning to the group in the kitchen.

“That would be so fucking fun” Nate beams with happiness,
“What would?” I ask, leaping into the conversation,

“Nick was talking about going to the beach later it's supposed to be really hot today” He exclaims, I haven't been to the beach since we've moved here which is surprising so I guess I wasn't opposed to the idea but I didn't have anything to swim in but shirts and shorts which I don't mind. “Sounds like fun but I don't have a swimsuit” I say, leering behind my brother who was hunched over on a chair.

“Me either, we should go shopping”
Nick said, filling his cup with water.

“I'm down.” I say. “Me too–!” Matt shouts, raising his hand, he's barely sitting up and his eyes are practically closed as he blows his long waves out of his eyes. I giggle at his childlike behavior, messing around with Nate when a certain someone finally emerges from my bedroom.

“Finally” I huff, pushing past Chris into my room where I shut the door sort of hard. I didn't even catch a glimpse at Chris’s demeanor. I was absolutely petrified of facing him again,
I face plant onto my ruffled sheets and immediately caught a whiff of his scent.

“You're joking” I say under my breath, rolling my eyes at the exact spot he slept throughout the night. Maybe I was delusional but all I could smell was his cologne. God damn it.