When I ruled the world ~ LARRY STYLINSON

21

I hate him so much. I hate how he lied to me. I hate how he could show up and treat me like shit on certain nights, but I still let him come back. I hate whenever I feel loved by him. I hate that he kissed me. But most of all I hate how I don't hate him.

I wake up the next morning around 10 AM and immediately head into the shower. I want all of Harry washed off of me.

I start the shower and step in. I feel so used and disgusted with myself. There's some yelling from outside again, and I already know it's the townspeople, but I don't even care. I've just been lied to for over a month, about something that I felt was so personal to me for once.

After my shower I dry myself off and grab a pair of shorts with a red shirt. I know all I'm going to do today is sulk around and probably binge watch whatever show I can find. There's a vibration from my phone and I know who it is immediately.

Harry: I'm so sorry i'm coming over rn

Louis: No you're not

Harry: Yes i am i'll be there in 30 minutes i need to talk to you lou please

Louis: You better have a good explanation or i'm kicking you out

I put my phone down and sigh. I know he said something else due to another vibration from my phone. He's the last person I want to deal with right now, but I also need to know what he thinks.

I just decide to try and look for something to watch till he comes.

~

"Lou?" I hear and I rub my eyes to see Harry standing by the side of my bed. I must've fell asleep while watching Ginny and Georgia.

"Hi Harry," I stretch. For a moment I forget I'm mad at him and I think it's just Harry coming over like he always does. I sit up and remember why he's here right now. The air is awkward and he's just standing there.

"Can I sit by you?" He asks and I nod yes. "Can I explain please Louis."

"Are you sober right now? And I swear if you lie to me Harry I'm-"

"Yes Lou, I'm sober," he says interrupting me. "And I can say that I still care for you and everything I feel for you is real."

"Okay, then go ahead. Explain and you better give me a good reason why I've been lied to for the past month," I say crossing my arms waiting for him to talk.

"Okay, thank you. Louis I've had a drug addiction since I was 12, and I used to do way worse stuff than weed. At one point I was on acid, and I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to play the victim because I did fuck up I know I did, but I just want you to understand. Weed is way less serious than acid and I have to have it, otherwise I have horrible withdrawals. Withdrawals is when you're addicted to something and you finally get off of it, but it comes with horrible side effects. I get headaches, all I want to do is sleep, and sometimes I get sick. I've tried to quit Louis I really have, and I want you to believe me when I say I've cut down on it so much since I met you. Sometimes I would show up drunk instead of high but that's because I'm trying to get off of it and the alcohol makes it easier. I know none of these are excuses but they're reasons. And Louis everything I felt was real, most of the time I would just be on a little buzz. I wish I could explain to you what that means but you've only been high once and that was way more than just a little buzz. You just really don't understand. I could understand what was happening, except for a couple times but you knew about all those times when I was really drunk. And earlier when I was really high you found out by yourself. I didn't want to tell you because I care for you so much and I didn't want to risk you leaving, which is kind of selfish. I should've said something from the start. I'm sorry Louis, but that doesn't take anything away from how I feel about you," Harry finally finishes and takes a big breath.

I stay silent for a moment not knowing what to say. Harry's right, I don't understand, I have no clue what to say. I've never struggled with addiction or seen anyone close to me except for Harry struggle with it either. It's been about a minute and I've just been silent.

"Please say something Lou," Harry begs and I immediately feel bad.

"Harry, I don't know what to say or think. I don't think I'm mad anymore. You're right, I don't understand any of this. I'm just confused and I don't want to be angry with you, but I want you sober around me. I just feel like I haven't even met you," is all I can really say.

"You have Lou, think about when you're drunk. You don't lose yourself, and most of the time I'm way less out of it than you are when you're drunk. I'm still me. I promise I'll try to quit for you."

"You won't though, you're addicted. I'm not stupid Harry, you're going to keep doing it. It's fine if you do, I just want you to say if you are and I want to see you sober once in a while. And maybe yeah you might want to cut it down even more, but I know you won't fully quit. Just please stop lying."

"Okay Lou, I promise," Harry smiles at me.

"Okay good, one thing I'm confused about though. How were you high in the mornings?"

"I have a cake bar and I usually just hit it a couple times in the morning," Harry admits.

"Oh okay," I reply and stay quiet.

"I still really like you Louis, please believe me. I wouldn't be here if I didn't, and I promise I'm sober."

"I believe you Harry."