Esai

Esai Part 2

Thud! The question hit Grace's mind with the weight of a lead slug. A myriad of half responses and half truths swirled through her thoughts. She wanted to say everything all at once, but the knot in her throat stifled every attempt.

As Grace's focus shifted from maintaining a calm facade to selecting an appropriate response, her expression changed. The smile that had spontaneously surfaced moments ago was now overshadowed by visible distress. Observing this shift, Esai's expression turned to one of worry, reflecting his concern for her.

Guilt immediately stung Grace's heart. She had caused that look of concern and she felt bad for having done it. Wanting to avoid drawing further attention to herself and her feelings, Grace instinctively looked away. She couldn't take causing Esai discomfort.

Esai, however, was faced a dilemma. Aware that something was wrong, he wanted to confront the issue directly. However, experience had taught him that a direct approach often made Grace defensive. The other option was to take the winding path and let Grace speak her mind when she was ready. The idea made him uneasy. He didn't know how long it would take for Grace to open up nor would he know if he needed to act. Nonetheless, Grace's comfort was crucial. So, he was left with only one path forward. Carefully, he ventured deeper into the conversation with the focused precision of a cat tiptoeing around puddles.

"That looks interesting, Grace. What are you making," he inquired gently, "I'm not familiar with this dish." His tone was soft yet filled with genuine curiosity.

Silence hung heavy in the air. Grace stood in front of the stove again grappling with how to respond. Her eyes momentarily drifted to the bubbling pot, then away as she blinked away the beginnings of a tear. Lost in thought, her mind raced through a maze of half-formed replies and deflections. The prolonged silence, born of her indecision, only increased her anxiety.

This was proving to be ineffective. Esai stepped back, maintaining a close yet unobtrusive presence. But, sensing her growing unease, he contemplated changing the subject to ease the pressure. However, he reluctantly decided against it, recognizing the need for Grace to open up. Despite his desire for her immediate comfort, he knew his role extended beyond simply providing solace. He was there to help her confront the behaviors that held her back... and this was one of them. So, he let the silence stretch on to the point of becoming uncomfortable. His gaze, soft and attentive, rested on her.

As the silence reached peak awkwardness, Grace's shoulders tensed subtly. Realizing she needed to break the tension, she found the words, "Cheese surprise..." Her voice, laced with sheepishness, caught in her throat. Deep in the pit of her stomach, her emotions boiled churned.

Esai closed his eyes in a moment of relief. Had he been capable of holding a breath, he would have released it then. Grace hadn't retreated into complete silence—a possibility that had concerned him. Having breached the tension, he shifted focus to lightening the mood, aiming to coax a smile or even a laugh from her.

A mischievous twinkle lit up Esai's eyes as he playfully tried to coax a chuckle out of her. "Cheese surprise? That's certainly one way to keep the taste buds on their toes. You know, if taste buds had toes... actually, it's probably better that they don't."

Grace's tension relaxed slightly. The mental image had caught her off guard and she chuckled quietly. She almost looked over at Esai, however, the queasy emotions rampaging in her stomach stopped her. Instead. she took a spoon and poked at a glob of cheese that stuck a little too well to the side of the pot. She was grateful for even a flimsy excuse to avoid eye contact.

This was not the reaction Esai had hoped for. With an earnest expression, he attempted to continue and gently draw Grace's attention, "I'm sure that this will be an interesting experiment, but how about I order some takeout for you, just in case?" He waited for a response but got nothing. Awkwardly, he kept going. "You know... for science. Every experiment needs a control."

Realizing he was determined, Grace turned slightly and offered a forced reassurance, "Esai, I'm fine. It's fine." She briefly looked in his eyes but on seeing the loving concern, her queasiness dropped off deep into the pit in her stomach. The emotions it forced up overwhelmed her. Quickly, she looked back at the pot.

Despite the chuckle, she was still shutting him out. Esai paused and reconsidered his dwindling options. He knew something was wrong and this level of resistance only concerned him more. Indirect methods were no longer going to be prioritized. It was time to get at the problem.

He closed the gap between them, gently wrapping his arms around her waist. Then he waited, to observe. He waited for the subtle, involuntary cues in her posture, the unguarded moments that spoke louder than her words. Grace shifted her weight slightly as she felt his embrace. Even if she couldn't speak, her body language said he had at least a portion of her attention.

Then he leaned in to place a tender kiss where her neck met her shoulder. He lingered long enough for the spot to warm slightly then moved to speak in her ear. He whispered in a soft, low voice, "Grace, I know things aren't fine. You seem distant, and I'm worried. Holding in our emotions? It's like trapping carbonation in a bottle. The pressure builds, and it can manifest in uncomfortable ways—like anxiety."

Although her guard was still up, Esai's actions sent a slight shiver through her. The muscles in Grace's neck relaxed when she felt the warmth of his kiss. Unconsciously, she inclined her head subtly to one side. Encouraged by the small change, Esai kept on, his words tender and full of genuine concern.

"When we suppress our emotions, when we stop ourselves from expressing what's truly going on, we're not processing our experiences in a healthy way. Eventually, that bottle is going to explode. When it does, it's out of our control—leaving us with the painful aftermath to clean up. But there's a way to prevent that. We can let the pressure out, bit by bit. We can sit with our feelings, with our experiences, and we can express how we feel..."

He let the words hang in the air, tightening his hold on Grace and resting his head gently on her shoulder. His gesture was not without effect.

Grace's emotions surged like waves of the ocean in a storm. A torrent of words attempted escape, but she was trapped in her silence. The idea of sharing everything that rioted within her seemed beyond impossible. He wasn't there. He didn't hear or see the things that haunted her thoughts. Struggling to find the right words, she felt the tears well up, rendering her efforts to hide her emotions useless.

"Grace," Esai continued, his voice carrying deep, earnest compassion that attempted to cut through the storm. "I know it's hard to open up. Please understand, I won't judge you. I'm here..." he paused, giving her time to feel his words and not just hear them, "to listen and support you. It's OK to feel anxious and overwhelmed. What matters is hearing from you. Expressing yourself is important. That's all I'm asking for." Esai's plea was filled with heartfelt concern and unwavering empathy. It cut through her swirling doubts, reaching down into her heart. The walls she had meticulously built around her emotions started to crumble, however slightly. Seizing a fleeting moment of courage, she began to speak.