𝗔 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬 𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗞𝗬 𝗚𝗔𝗠𝗕𝗟𝗘

03 | kisses in the dark

After a day of speeding down frontage roads, shopping for wedding gifts, and attending meetings half-awake, Jameson and I collapsed into bed.

The grandfather clock in the corner reminded us that it was twelve in the morning.

Jameson, however, had different plans than sleep.

He tackled me.

Every particle in my body wanted to let him ravage me. But I'd been observing him all day.

Ever since Xander had mentioned that he was heading to his father's mechanic shop, possibly even staying a few days, Jameson's eyes had darkened.

Clouds hung over his green irises.

But they'd disappeared momentarily, because he was kissing my neck. I was breathless when I desperately said, "Tahiti."

Jameson stopped kissing me but refused to lift his head. When his silence stretched into half a minute, I rolled on top of him and forced him to meet my eyes.

Breathing heavily, he said, "I want you."

I shook my head, adjusting us until we lay side by side. "You're using me as a distraction." My forehead met his, although this time, it wasn't because of kissing. I repeated, "Tahiti."

He scowled at me, but I didn't care.

Usually I wouldn't force him to tell me anything, but I knew he'd been thinking about this for months. After all, Jameson had met his father.

And he'd hated him.

Vowed, even, to never speak to him again.

Jameson squeezed his eyes shut. "It's unfair," he murmured, "that Xander's father is a good man. And mine?" He sighed. "He's a douche."

"Life is unfair, Jameson."

He wrapped his arms around a pillow. "This shouldn't affect me anymore."

"Why not?" I said, genuinely curious.

"Because I stopped longing for a father years ago." He fisted a handful of his pillow until his knuckles turned white. "And then he had to show up." Growling, he said, "I wish I'd never met him."

I laid my hand on the back of Jameson's neck and gently massaged his tense muscles. "At least," I said, "you're not driving yourself crazy with wondering."

"You're right." His voice was bitter. "Now I'm driving myself crazy because my kid brother gets my childhood wish."

"This isn't Xander's fault," I said quietly.

Jameson repressed a sigh. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "I know. But I don't exactly have it in me to be happy for him, either."

"That's okay." I laid my arm over his chest. "If you can't ever be happy for him, that's okay." I forced him to meet my eyes once more before murmuring, "Just don't be angry with him."

"I'll try," was all that Jameson could promise.

And for tonight, that was enough for me.