Shiddat

eighteen

Rubab's pov

It's been 15 days since he did that unholy thing,

But in these 15 days, I got too comfortable with him, like his touch, his dominance didn't bother me.

Somehow i admitted that he is my husband, okay I don't want him earlier but nowww,

I can't fight with my destiny. Okay, we got nikahfied in a situationship, but living with him changed my perspective towards this marriage. I was too little when Anam khala got married but i know lil bit that they were also married in situationship, also

He never makes me feel uncomfortable, pampers me like a child.

I am trying to be a good wife to him, but the pain in my heart to see and meet my family is still there. I am 2000% sure that mamu is creating havoc and sucking the blood out of our soldiers to find me. I miss them every day and night.

I was making dua when I felt his presence, so completing my dua, I wipe my tears and stand. But when I'm done placing the mat on the table, he grabs my waist and starts kissing me dominantly, like his life depends on my lips. But his rough way makes me out of breath, and I push him with all my strength. He grabs me again, and this time, he literally makes my lips bleed. Is he gone mad?

But his words make me realize that he eavesdropped on my dua and took it in the wrong way, thinking that I want to leave him.

Allah Allah, is he insane? But wait we don't love each other then why he is behaving this way? And

I am not a bad girl to leave my husband,my religious views and faith didn't let me have a divorce

But his words hurt me more than his harsh sucking on my neck.

Why does he have such a bad aqidah? Why doesn't he trust Allah? I know a little that Taniya aapi and he went through a lot in their childhood. Maybe that's the reason he doesn't trust Allah anymore, but this is so wrong of him.

He wants to impregnate me? But I don't even know how babies are made, and here, he wants to impregnate me, shaking me to the core.

I know he is drunk; I taste the liquor on my lips when he kisses me harshly.

But we are happy. What makes him drink this much that he is out of his senses? Did mamu hurt baba jaan? Think positive, Rubab.

Why the hell he started drinking again? He started namAz then Why?

A painful hiss escapes my mouth when he bites on my buds.

He is venting his anger on my body by sucking and biting me.

He doesn't even listen to my pleading;  that he is hurting me and holds me in a bridal style with my upper bare and puts me on the bed.

And starts kissing my neck and mumbling again and again that he will impregnate me.

He is about to slide my pants down when I speak.

"Taha...main Ghar Jane ki dua kar rahi thi. Iska ye matlab nahi ki aapse aur Taniya aapi se door jana chahti hu."

My words stop his movement, and our eyes meet.

And that eye contact feels like rain after a desert summer.

I rub my thumb on his bearded cheek and continue.

"Yes, Taha. I will not leave you and Taniya aapi. I know I am married to you, but it doesn't mean that my heart is not aching to meet my family." I said in a heavy tone.

Anger and desperation fade in his eyes.

"Tum sach keh Rahi ho, Rubab?" He asked after some good minutes.

I nodded.

"What do you think, Taha?" I asked him.

"Nothing "
He shook his head innocently.

"Taha... I may not love you, but I promise I will never run away from my fate. And I admit that my fate is you." I said, rubbing my thumb on his lips.

"I know you don't love me too, as you said you want my body. It's okay. I will give you my body until you fall in love with my soul." I said, and he immediately shook his head like a desperate child.

His words hurt me a little bit but it's too used to for me, people out there just get fatuated by my face, they didn't even bother to know my soul and how good of person I am.

"No, Habibti. I didn't mean that. I do want your body early, but what I feel for you now is something I couldn't even explain. My heart aches with the fear of losing you." He said, caressing my face with his bulky palm.

"I know that a sinner like me will never deserve an angel like you, but I am too selfish, Rubab." He continues.

There is pain and heaviness in his voice.

"Taha, if you don't deserve me, then I wouldn't be lying half bare beneath you." I said, making him chuckle.

"Wait, let me make myself bare too saying this." He  throw his t-shirt on the floor within seconds, and I burst into laughter.

Drunk Taha is so funny and cute.

He also smiles, showing his dimple, and then, as usual, latches his mouth on my nipples and sleeps while suckling like a toddler.

What does he actually get by sucking it? I am sure there is no milk there, so why?

But it feels good, and in these 15 days, when I dumbly accepted his promise that "" I'll do whatever he wants"", literally every night, we end up like this.

He seems so peaceful sucking me.

And there is another level of comfort and warmth in his touch.

I wish he will become a practicing Muslim one day.

I don't know how mamu will react knowing I am married, too with a trained terrorist,

He will surely hurt taha and force him to divorce me like he did with dishaan bhai but never in this life i will commit the biggest sin infront of my khaliq (Allah) of breaking a marriage

"Allah does not favor women who seek divorce.

Whenever a husband and wife divorce, Allah's Arsh shakes, and the earth trembles.

Divorce is allowed only in situations where your husband does not fulfill your rights and unjustly mistreats you. Currently, these conditions are not present in my life."

"So i will give this marriage a chance"

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