Shiddat

fourty nine

Rubab's pov

."It's been 9 long months,

9 months of pain, misery, heartache, self-doubt.

I don't know why my uterus is not developing our child.

I am healthy, young, and eager to become a mother,

But my babies are not supporting me as they are flushed out of my body within weeks or sometimes within months.

Every time my periods get delayed, I pray not to see those red stains.

All my hopes die when I get my periods.

It's not like I am not conceiving;

My body has conceived 4 times as we are both sexually active, but after some weeks or months, my body is flushed with tremendous pain.

But the pain of not being able to carry a child is greater than the pain of miscarriage.

I am devastated. I don't know why my body is not supporting his seeds.

Somewhere in my heart, I know very well the reason behind my consecutive miscarriages.

Taniya Aapi, she is suffering too much,

And I know her pain is the atonement of my miscarriages.

Bhai is disloyal to her, he slept with many women and took some to their home too. And some how i am responsible for her pain.

She didn't tell me anything, nor did I ask because Kaya already keeps me updated enough.

It's been a week since my last miscarriage; again, my unborn child was flushed out of my body in the form of thick blood clots, which makes my heart wrench.

Taha has been working as a hotel manager for the past 8 months.

Taha and Mumani both thought I overthink about his work as a civil laborer, which led to my first miscarriage, so Mumani helped him get a job in the most highly rated hotel in Izmir.

Only if I could tell them the reason behind my mental health.

To be honest I wanted him to join Mumma's party, but I don't have enough courage to ask him to join.

I don't want to make him feel low in any manner, and the type of man he is, he will never agree to continue my Nano and Mumma's legacy because, according to him, they all left his mother alone to face the brutality of life only because she chose to love someone.

He is right in some sense because my family is powerful enough to help Miraal Khala. If they could accept Mumma and Baba's inter-country and status-conscious love, then why didn't they ever support Miraal Khala and Talha Uncle's love? Just because he is not well-settled or because Miraal Khala was already betrothed to that heinous man who killed them for his so-called ego?

I don't know, but as a responsible wife, it's my duty to respect my husband's choice and decision.

We were laying in each other's solace when he said those words which stabbed my heart.

"What are you saying, Taha? It's nothing like that," I said, wiping his tears.

He has been strong from the past month, but today I think his patience tore with the heaviness of not being able to be a father even after having a young wife.

"No, biwi, my children are dying in your womb because they hate their father. They don't want to face me," he broke down crying helplessly.

My heart is burning with the agony of his pain.