Moonstruck at Midnight

Chapter 21 - Rooftop Shenanigans

CALEB STOOD BESIDE ME in silence as I summoned the elevator to go back to my apartment. Neither of us spoke a single word on our way up. Enough had been said for the night.

Emotionally exhausted, I opened my apartment door and turned to look at him. "Thank you," I said. "For everything." He nodded, looking more at ease now that Thomas was gone. For the day. "Do you have any cigarettes?" I did my best to sound casual.

"You know I do." He raised a brow, looking confused. "Why?"

"Can I have one, please?" My eyes were welling up again. I thought he would refuse, but he must've felt sorry for me because he handed me the entire box. There were only three cigarettes left and a lighter.

That'll do.

"You're smoking menthols now?" I asked with a snort.

"What? I like them." He smiled for the first time in hours.

"They're fresh."

"My mom used to smoke these," I said, examining the box. "I'll just smoke one on the rooftop before bed."

I'd smoked with Sophie and Cecile in Paris once, but I didn't pick it up. I just needed to relax, and I remembered how my mom used to sneak out at night to smoke. I think that's why she did it too. "I'll come with you," Caleb said, taking a step forward and scanning my face. "We can talk. Like we used to."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, taking in the closeness of his face with mine. Talking to Caleb was always helpful, but he had already helped me more than he knew. I needed a break.

"Thank you," I said, licking my lips and looking away for a second, "but I think I need to be alone right now. I'll just listen to a few songs on my iPod to clear my head."

"Okay." He nodded and took a step back. "Text me when you get back, though." He looked up and down at me as if trying to make sure I was okay to be left alone. "And take it easy with the cigarettes."

He left, and I changed into leggings and a tank top, washed my face, and made my way to the rooftop. Luckily it was empty. I sat on one of the sunbeds and lit a cigarette. The first couple of drags made me cough, but the smoke went through smoothly afterward. I laid back on the sunbed and listened to one of my favorite playlists.

My mind kept reliving the events of the night. Thomas was hiding something from me. I could feel it. And not just one thing, but probably a few. There was this other side to him that he wanted to keep locked up and out of my sight. And how I wished for him to open up to me, but I wasn't sure if he would.

He answered all my questions, but something inside didn't click for me. Everything I heard was confusing and disappointing—nothing felt right. I was back to square one.

I knew he loved me. I could feel it. But his outbursts were becoming more constant and worrisome. I wondered what his true nature would be like if he unleashed himself from the self-imposed restraint.

The three weeks he would be away were going to be helpful for the relationship. They had to be.

After promising I'd be done with smoking forever, I lit up a second cigarette.

The sky was clear, and I kept staring at the moon, wondering if my mother could somehow see me. I wished for her so badly, to feel her arms around me. She'd know exactly what to tell me to make things feel right.

"Waxing crescent," a voice whispered behind me, making me flinch in my seat.

"You scared me to death!"

William took a seat on the empty sunbed beside me. "Sorry." 

So he does know how to use that word.