A Westside, Eastside Love Story

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With my belly full and under some wray and his nephew, the night was actually going great. We moved the party to the back lawn where the swimming pool was and the others were currently taking turns trying to see who could make the biggest dive- even though there was a sign that clearly prohibits it.

I made eye contact with Brittani and knew, our heart to heart was about to happened. I took a shallow breath and tilted my head towards a less lit area of the yard. I was sober enough to have this conversation, so I hope it ends on a good note  cause I'd hate to end the night drunk and angry at my best friend.

" So?" I  said, I wanted it to come out calmer but instead it came out on a sigh.

Brittani looked at me before saying any thing. I knew I started it on a bad footing already.

"I'm not here to judge you C, please understand that. I'm speaking from a place of concern only because I feel I know you well enough to know when you're acting out out of character hon" Brittani sighed. 

I really shouldn't be mad at Brit, after all she's my best friend, known each other since huggies days and she's only looking out for my wellbeing.

but

I'm not opened to feedbacks or suggestions right now, especially when I'm still at war with my feelings and logic when it comes to Noah. I know I've been acting different slightly but it's not like she's around that much to witness my mood swings anyways. I said as much.

"Really C? when have we ever hidden our feelings from each other? an a nuh like seh this is our first time with boyfriends and complicated shits so mi nuh understand d attitude." Brittani rolled her eyes.

I was afraid to say the truth- that i was jealous, her relationship looks so healthy and mine I don't even know what to call it. one look in my eyes and Brit finally deduced the source of my emotional anger.

" Girl, a cah man mek yah deal wid mi so- talk to mi cause C this need fi sort out right yah so." Brittani crossed her arms waiting.

" I'm sorry, I shouldn't be jealous of you and Shameil but every time I just cant help but feel like ya'll enjoying something that I should too" I trailed off in a quiet voice, my body folded in itself by the weight of my shame and guilt. 

I needed another drink.

" Babe there's no need to be jealous of us, you know my feelings on your ting with Noah already, if you really wanted to, you could have ended it a long time ago but for your own personal reasons which i respect by the way since you haven't told me, I can only let you live your own life but nuh blame nobody or be mad when people point shit out please."

Really even under the influence, I know that Brit is only speaking facts, and there's still a small part of me that still think this thing with Noah will never become butterflies and sunshine but I'm so stubborn to let go of 'maybe just maybe it can after all'.

I surprised her by hugging her tightly. I know she means well and I'm happy I have her as my best friend and I believed regardless of my choice, she'll always be my right hand. She returned the hug and we embraced all the unsaid feelings and words that will not have a voice but is on our hearts. 

However this ends, Brittani will be there at the end, it may be selfish of me to put such a burden on her but she would have taken it even if tried to stop her. 

" I love yuh enuh girl" she exclaimed with a laugh.

and just like that, we were no longer emotional and our heart to heart was over.