|| { Vent Therapy Book || KMS } ||

Fucked Up

I've made myself a vent playlist on Spotify, I was super drowned when making it but now it's the only thing I fucking listen to. Haha
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ezniAvUwohljE7N2F0jYF?si=416ba45c4dc94072

Once I get more information about my life - since I forget everything - I will make a new vent book. I will try to detail it as best I fucking can, it will be triggering and most likely have things you could report to police. But you fucking can't, okay? Hell, I should get to my venting now.

You know how when you reach that stage of depression where you're just fucking horny? Well, I'm not even that anymore, I'm just PISSED.

Okay so I feel like absolute shit, right? I mean...no hell, I'm fucking writing in my vent book, haha. I am so fucking pissed and then I'm cool or depressed... AND THEN I'M FUCKING PISSED AGAIN? HAHA, yeah I have fucked shit up so GOD DAMN BADLY. Like- Fuck, I have all this sadness and I CAN'T FUCKING SHOW IT! THAT'S BECAUSE THEN I'M A FUCKING PUSSY ASS BITCH AND I AIN'T NO FUCKING CUNT, OKAY? As that little sadness pushes out on the skin I fucking reject it to the bottle shelf, right? I'LL HIT THAT SHIT UP WITH ANGER INSTEAD! 
I want to rip my fucking eyeballs out of my skull, you know? I don't know shit.  Listen, all my grades are fucking terrible right now, the worst they've EVER been and at this point, I DON'T FUCKING CARE, HAHAHA. I CAN'T CHANGE THEM, I AM SO FUCKING STUPID AND BEHIND. LEFT WITH NO HELP AKA THE INCORRECT HELP AND SO I JUST WANT TO BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE CORNER OF THE DESK TILL THE LID OF MY SKULL POPS OFF AND I AM ABLE TO PLAY WITH MY DAMN BRAINS. OH, THAT SOUNDS SO FUN!!! I CAN TAKE APART THE BRAIN CELLS LIKE FUCKING LEGOS AND PUT IT TOCETHER LIKE A FUCKING FIDGET PUZZLE, RIGHT? RIGHT? 
Delaney, I hope you read this and get disturbed so fucking mush that you report it. Yeah, YEAH I DO.  Hao, if you read this... You can tell Finn that I can't even feel love, I've lost the head-over-heels feeling I HAVEN'T FELT THAT SINCE I WAS FUCKING 6 YEARS OLD. I do not have the courage to tell people SHIT. like- Delaney, do you want to know what i said to the school that year when I got in trouble for gun threatening you? I told them that I would THREATEN YOU THEN TURN IT ON ME AND KILL MYSELF INFRONT OF YOU WHILE YOU WERE IN THE STATE OF SHOCK. THAT IS SO SO FUNNY RIGHT? HAHAHAHA!!! OKAY OKAY BUT I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THINGS ANYMORE SO I JUST ACT LIKE ITS ALL SO FUCKING SILLY YEAH YEAH IT IS RIGHT? THATS WHY I HAVEN'T SOUNDED MATURE TO YOU HAO THATS FUCKING WHY. 
Moon or- Pokemoon. if you still go by that, if you read this because you know, you like seeing other peoples problems.. I just want you to know that I have been so fucked up over the time we haven't talked, crazy right? You remind me of an OLD friend, talking to you makes me feel closer to them... And you not talking to me anymore makes me realize, shit it's almost been 5 years now... That old friend most likely really REALLY forgot about me! I FUCKING MISS THEM SO GOD DAMN MUCH. I'm tearing up over this shit, okay- FUCK THE TEARS ARE EVEN FALLING DOWN! LIKE GOD DAMN IT I WISH PEOPLE READ THROUGH ME AND FUCKING LOVED ME RIGHT NOW.
I know the last vent wasn't even a vent it was just a concern. But I actually have two draft vents that, Fuck I don't care anymore. I am too fucking- I DON'T KNOW, I JUST AM NOT FUCKING WORKING ON THAT SHIT OKAY? AND YES DELANEY, ONE IS ENTIRELY BASED OFF OF YOU. THAT'S HOW MUCH OF A ROLE YOU FUCKING TOOK IN MY LIFE BECAUSE YOU BEAT MY DOWN AND I STEPPED UP.  FUN FACT, I actually shared half of this vent with my friend while writing it and he said, "I AM NOT READING ALLAT. THUG IT OUT," WHO SAYS THAT TO A FUCKING BEAT UP FRIEND? YEAH BITCH, I KNOW YOU ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO SOOTHE ME. I said one sentence that made him fucking leave. "I will fucking gut you the way you wanted," I guess I crossed the line, huh? Well I shared something deeply upsetting to me and he treated it as if it were nothing so I am instead filled with rage instead of pity for him.  Sorry.
I am fucking yelling at everyone, I am literally breaking every friendship I have and I don't even care anymore. I already have one person that will never leave me and we know it for a fact, so I think I'm fine with losing the extras, right? Delaney, we know this person, I think you can guess who it is. And Delaney, I had a really fucking weird dream with you in it last week, you were one of the main characters in it! Feel specials. It's not often that I dream about lost friends. Just... by chance- do you have a haunted plushy? A rat to be exact, no? Alright...
I must be fucking insane, right? Ha, talking to you through this and my little fucking mind... Well, fuck you, you're lucky I haven't blocked you on here. I want to get off that topic with you though.
I Don't know if its the girl hormones or if I'm bipolar at this point. Anyways, I can't fucking get up anymore and I'm at the point that I just sleep through EVERYTHING. I have slept in every class at school lately and when I get home the first thing I do is play music and go to FUCKING SLEEP. And the worst part, I EVEN SLEEP AT NIGHT. (We do not count this week though, I have been up at night because I'm overwhelmed or trying to have fun to forget my fucking headache.)
This is all a lot and I have finally met my goal with this (1000 words) but there is more. Maybe I will update tomorrow? WHO AM I KIDDING THE FUCK? OF COURSE I'M NOT I DONT FUCKING DO THIS SHIT OKAY? YOU'RE LUCKY I WAS SO FUCKING BOTTLED UP THAT I EVEN GAVE YOU THIS CONTENT. OKAY? You better feel lucky you're hearing from me, BITCH. I'll go tease someone else now... Bye, that is all.
For now.