~Is it cold outside?~

Ending 3: Friends

I can sense that someone is standing behind me... when I turn around i see that it's only Auggie. But something's off... he is staring at me like he has just seen a ghost or something.

"Hello? Auggie??"

He doesn't even blink. Now he starts to murmur some stuff that I can't understand.

"Augustine...Augustine...! SNAP OUT OF IT AUGUSTINE!! Are you okay...? You're sweatting bullets- , And what's with that scary expression on your face-! You keep talking to yourself and accusing me of something I never said! I called your name multiple times just now...! And you didn't even answer...! . . . We can't go on like this... Augustine... I- I have something to ask you."

I turn my head to the side so I don't have to look at him...

"When I... fell down the stairs last winter... I saw... You. I know you didn't push me. I know I fell because I accidently tripped myself, I know that but I knew... you were at a distance where if you wanted... You could've easily reached out and stopped me from falling... When I was lying on the floor, about to pass out... I also heard... footsteps of someone leaving the area. And I heard that... someone else called the ambulance other than you."

I finaly made it! The thing I wanted to talk about since last year finaly left my lips.

"I... That's..." , Augustine's voice is shaking.

"But... Despite it all... I didn't feel resentfull or enraged... I just felt... confused. I thin kthat was the first time I started seriously reflecting on our realationship. All along I thought we were best friends, but since then I realized you might have thought of us differently. It felt like a wake-up-call. Ever since then I was paranoid about how you'd feel about me... I thought you hated me, I thought you never wanted to see me again- I was scared. I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I satrted distancing myself from you. But that didn't solve anything, it just made our realationship worse...! What we need is... a conversation. A honest conversation. Nothing will changeif we just shut ourselves from one another! I'm not mad. I'm not dissapointed. I'm not going to blame you for anything that's happened. So just... talk to me. Tell me everything. If you don't I will never know until the day I die! Augustine, tell me how you feel!"

One of my hands was on Augustine's shoulder, the other one on my chest. After I finished my last sentence tears grew in his eyes.

"I- ... I...! -envy you for succeding...! And I'm scared of what'll happen to me in the future because of it...! I know I'm supposed to be happy for you...! I know I'm supposed to celebrate your succes by your side...! I know I'm being selfish... I know I'm being ovrly emotional... I know that more than anyone...! I know I'm being pathethic, i know that- i know that! But I just can't help it! Whenever I see you... i can't help but think you stole everything from me! Whenever I start something, you suddenly start copying me and then take it away from me...! It wasn't just once or twice- but every single time...! Then you soon master at what I wanted to do- making you loved and recognized- covering me behind your massive shadow...! Burying everything I've done so far in the ground, taking away everyone that I wanted to impress- having everyone's attention and fortune heading towards you-And now that you're adored by everyone...You must've felt embarassed having to call a nobody like me your friend... no talent,no social life, no skills...Now all I have left... is the fact that I'm your friend-But you have so much more in life than me... You won't need me anymore...S oI thought... You were getting rid of me...! I was terrified... i was terrified of you...!"

"Is that... really how you felt all this time...? Augustine... I'll never leave you. There's nothing in this world that can replace you. You were my hero! I looked up to you since the day we first met...! I was able to be the way I am now because you inspired me with how bright and friendly you were! I was able to feel at ease no matter where I went or what I did because I had a friend like you with me. I thinkk that's why I kept following you around... Because I didn't want to leave your side. But i now realized... there are thing not even a friend should do. That there's a line not even a friend should cross. I crossed that line way too many times by now... huh? I'm sorry...! I'm really sorry...! I should've respected your line! I should've thought about how you feel! I should've put myself in your shoes...! But I was too blinded by admiration back then that I coudn't see that you're my one and only friend before my hero! It must've been so upsetting... It must've been so frustrating...! You don't have to forgive me, I know apolegizing now won't change the past... But I just want you to know this... You are the coolest and brightest person I have met in my whole life, Augustine! I was only able to do all the things I've accomplished so far because you encouraged me back then! Because you gave me hope...! You work hundrets, thousands, million times harder than me... And I remind myself everyday how lucky I am to have ever met a friend like you! What do you mean you have nothing? You're someone who can take over the entire world if you wanted to! You're amazing like that! Thank you for trusting me and telling me the truth...!"