Winnie and the Rebel

Feelings

4 o'clock couldn't come soon enough, with all of us sitting in the living room I was getting a little overwhelmed. Watching Max play a video game that he's never heard of sounded like a fun idea, to watch him flail and fail, but of course even that was limited. Mortal combat should be exciting to watch, especially when there's blood, guts and the ultimate moves, but after watching Max trying to learn and failing for two hours has gotten boring.

"You good over here?" Chris had walked up to the window that I had been leaning on for the last few minutes. I straightened and slapped his hand that he had out, gripping it before letting go.

"Yeah man, just bored I guess." I looked back out the window where the street had become pretty interesting. I looked back at Chris making eye contact. "What about you?" I nodded to the tv. "You having fun watching the game?"  He lifted his left shoulder.

"Nah, that's as good as he's going to get I'm afraid. I think it's making Matt get a big head as if he's actually good at the game." He let out a small laugh making me look at Matt who was pumping his fist in the air. Max had a bored look on hes face before starting a new game. "He's not a quitter that's for sure."  He looked back at me. "And neither are you."

"What are you taking about again?" His smile got bigger as if he knew something I couldn't understand.

"Awe come on man, I know why you're really over here staring out the window." He looks to the left then to the right where I had been staring at. "She comes from that direction doesn't she?" He glances at his watch before looking at me."Only a minute till right?" His honey brown eyes shinning with something mischievous. "I mean if this is what you want take it man. We don't get many chances to actually get things we want, unless of course we steal or fight for it, but when something or someone comes along in your life enjoy it while it's here."

I look backed to the road "I don't think you would understand, I fucked up, I fucked us both up." I looked down ashamed of what had happened. How I had let myself get consumed by feelings I couldn't control or understand. "I hurt her man, and hurting a girl ain't right. Shit got away from me before I could even understand. I was weak." Weak come out as a whisper as I looked back at Chris. He gave me a soft smile patting my shoulder before I grabbed his wrist. He fisted the collar of my shirt pulling me closer down to him.

"You ain't never been weak Archer. Hell I wish I could control myself like you do." He put two fingers to my temple. "If you think feelings are weak you're mistaken the whole concept of being strong!" I threw my hand in the air loosening the grip he had on my shirt and quickly bringing my other arm up for him to let go of my collar. He tried to pat my face but I quickly leaned back. "Look, I've known you for a while, watching you thinking that you were bound to fail but instead you held your head high. Times when Jakob would smack you around, thinking that you would break down and feel sorry for yourself but no you ate that shit, you put everything a side and held your own without any help."

I looked away again remembering those times I had disobeyed and gotten on Jakobs shit list. "Yeahhh" I pat the back of my head. "I was a real shit back then wasn't I?" He laughed and shook his head, letting his shaggy brown hair sweep across his face.

"Yeah but who could blame you, you were a kid being a man and you still are." He turned to lean his back on the wall next to the window, looking at the guys who were still talking, still in their own world. "Feelings are hard dude, but what you're doing, trying to push them down, that shit will only make it worse. We destroy ourselves when we stop feeling. If you bury your feelings within you, you become a graveyard. Look at them." I leaned against the window as well looking at the men in our living room. "Do you really think any of them are worried about letting their feelings show? Letting themselves become a graveyard? No because we're a team. It's okay to care and watch out for each other." I look to where Tony is sitting away from the group with a blank expression on his face. "Yeah no don't look over there, Focus on the guys older then you."  I glanced back at where the other guys were, smiling at the dig he gave. Chris turns to me, sticking his hand out to me as I quickly smack it then grab it. I go to let go but he pulls me in. "All I'm saying is do what you think is right and mix that with what you do best and go with it." He pulls back and shrugs letting go of my hand. "Now take him home before he asked to stay over."   I was taken back by the conversation we had as he walks to where Tony sits by himself. At first I think he might go have a heart to heart with him but instead he stops right behind Tony looking down at him before smacking the back of his head. I held in my laugh as Tony took off after Chris. Well that got everybody's attention. They all rush in the other room trying to see who's going to win.