passion b;e

1

amber;

"empty. i don't feel bad for it. i could do it all over again if you asked me to." i answer the woman sitting in front of me blandly as she clears her throat and scribbles down a bunch of words onto her notepad.

"so, amber, what do you think was the cause? what triggered it? do you think it had something to do with-" she began to speak up before i groaned and cut her off.

"how about i ask you a question lady. do you really like your job? you like wasting away your life trying to fix people who are very unlikely to get fixed? hm? you really think this is what you were made for? you've been asking me the same shitty ass questions ever since i got here. you've been recording me, writing down every emotion you see on face every answer i give you. tell me, have you really gotten anywhere? i didn't think so." i sink back into my seat and roll my eyes as she stares at me with a blank face.

weird ass bitch..

"you've made progress amber!" she gives me a smile as i stare at her in confusion. "what?" i furrow my eyebrows and look back at her.

"first time you've shown me any type of emotion. i call that progress. that'll be our time for today." she says closing her notebook and holding it close to her chest.

motherfucker what???

she gets up and starts walking towards the door but pauses before fully heading out of the room. "word of advice from me to you. at least pretend to get better so you leave this place. they'll keep you locked in here forever if you stay like... that." i could hear her calling for my nurse to come get me after shes fully left the room.

"what'd you do to her" mrs. gail says as she grabs my arm and leads me back to my room. "literally nothing i just gave her a reality check" i shrug as mrs. gail shakes her head and smacks my arm.

"ay you.. stop giving her a hard time she's trying to help you" she pinches my arm as i roll my eyes. "she's just doing her job she doesn't give a shit about me." mrs. gail sighs as she lets me go to my room.

"watch your language" was the last thing she said before shaking her head and walking away. i roll my eyes and turn back around to face my depressing ass room. i dont get how they want me to become a better person but THIS is where they're keeping me..

at least i don't have a roommate with me anymore? they always make me lose my fucking shit. they had me stay in my own room since... well the last incident that's happened.

"amber. dinner time come on chop chop!" one of the nurses opens my door without warning startling the shit out of me. "goddamn okay." i sigh as i put my robe back on and take a deep breath.

god i hate this place so fucking much. i don't understand why the fuck they sent me here. i didn't need it. i did what needed to be done. but I'M the problem.

i shrug my thoughts off and make my way downstairs to the backyard where the food was being served. i sit on this huge ass table with a bunch of other patients i either didn't know or deeply despised.

i've gotten into a fist fight with almost half of them if not most. but i couldn't honestly give less of a flying shit. just makes my stay here more eventful.

as we all sat down and ate. i could feel the nurses' eyes burning into all of us. they watch our every move. my body shudders as i try to focus on the food in front of me.

i sigh and put down my spoon as i start staring at my hands.

this is all your fault.

you don't deserve any of this.

you deserve to be locked away.

you monster.

YOU MONSTER.

i was pulled back into reality by a nurse sitting on her knees next to me and shushing me.

fuck.

"sweetie. calm down. you're okay. breathe." she says rubbing my cheeks soothingly as i jerk my head away and rub my tears away and try to calm my breathing down.

"im fine." i get up and speed walk away. why did that have to happen there?? in front of everyone. fuck me sideways man.

as i was walking back to my room, someone bumped into me literally almost dislocating my arm.

"watch it bitch." i coldly say and walk away as the person scoffs.

"you bumped into me the fuck??" i heard the girl say lowly. i turn back to get a good look at her.

of course its a blue haired bitch.

"when i tell you to watch it. you shut the fuck up and watch it. bitch." i say getting obnoxiously close to her. she raises an eyebrow and looks down at me.

"i've heard about you. you must be amy? abby? don't know, couldn't care less. you could burn this whole place down. be a bitch to whoever the fuck you want to be a bitch to. but when it comes to me, you better keep your attitude in check... i'd hate to fuck such a pretty girl's face up." she pushes my shoulder back with her index finger and walks away.

what??? what just happened? i just got silenced?

"the fuck" i mutter under my breath as i continue walking back to my room.

"tia! you need me to tuck you in tonight?" mrs. gail walks into my room (announced of course!) with a new blanket and pillow.

"no mrs gail im good.. when did i ever need you to tuck me in?" i roll my eyes as she giggles.

"just get in bed i know you could use it more than anyone right now amber." i sigh and lay down on the bed as she lays down the freshly washed and dried blanket on me.

she sits down at the end of the bed and places her hand on my knee as i tense up.

"calm down my bonita. i just wanted to talk to you about the episode you had today- and and before you say it's none of my business.. you are like a daughter to me amber. don't blame yourself for what you've done. i promise you it will get better. everything will. buenas noches mi amor. sleep well." she gives me a kiss on my forehead.

"thanks.. mrs. gail." i gave her a small smile as she turns off the lights and closes the door.

"you slut. you've ruined my life. all you've done is ask and ask and ask! you've never given me anything in return! you're absolutely worthless. you'll always be. a worthless. piece of shit. i can't even look at you without feeling like i've wasted my whole life away. god."