passion b;e

7

amber;

"so, you say those.. um, impulses you had, they've become better over time? the urges aren't as strong as they used to be. correct?" dr. gabby says as she crosses her legs and stares at me.

i hate this bitch.

"i guess you could say that yeah. i haven't um.. had any voices for a while" i shrug as she nods.

"would you say you're" she pauses " happier? than you first were when you got here?" she says now putting her notebook and pen aside.

okay??

"um no. maybe. i don't know. i wasn't doing so hot before i got here.. but im not really doing so hot now either. so you tell me" i lean back in my seat before she tilts her head.

"would you like it better if they replaced your therapist? would it make you feel better if someone else started helping you?" she raises her glasses off of her face, resting them at the top of her head.

"see as much as i really wanna say yes to make you feel horrible, i don't think so. you're all really the same to me. just some bitches who don't find comfort in their own sad little life so they try helping ill motherfuckers out in hopes to try and make themselves feel better. so no doc, probably not." i glare at her as she sighs.

"okay. glad to hear that.. see i can't help you if you keep shutting yourself off from me, amber.. i'm trying to make you feel better. i see that little spark that you have buried deep down inside of you. and i want to light that spark up. let me help you." she says looking at me sternly.

i let out a little chuckle.

"okay shakespear. spark my ass" i say trying not to let out my laugh as she sighs.

"i'll get you there. you just wait."

-

-

i roll my eyes and sigh as i wait in front of the shower stall to get in already.

god how long does it take these bitches to shower.

i look down and start tapping my food against the concrete floor.

just as i was on the brink of zoning out i felt a light tap on my shoulder.

great. billie. just what i wanted to deal with! so now it's waiting for the bitch inside the shower stall to leave and talking to billie! this should be fun. 

"hey red head." the smurf ass bitch says softly as i sigh.

"what is it billie. you come back to yell at me some more for that piece of shit you're friends with?" i glare at her as she sighs.

"can you tell me what happened... between you and clara i mean." she purses her lips to the side as i give her a side glance and look around.

"and you decided to ask me right here? right now?" i say holding my towel up as she rolls her eyes.

"oh please what does it matter to you dude" she leans against the stall's door.

i wouldn't do that if i were her. but okay!

"fine okay then damn don't start crying. um well for starters we didn't always use to hate each other it was um.. we were.. friends with benefits i suppose.. um she-" i was cut off by the stall door behind billie getting busted open and a loud thud that was heard on the floor.

i let out the loudest laugh known to man as billie looked up at me from the floor groaning.

"help me out you bitch stop laughing this isn't funny!" she throws her towel at me as i try and catch my breath.

the girl that opened the stall's door starts apologizing to billie and helping her get up.

billie thanks her and that was the last we've seen from the girl before she ran off.

"asshole" billie says smacking my head. 

i grip her wrist and glare at her.

"don't you dare. touch me. ever again." i let my grip go of her wrist and watch as her face falls into a bit of a shock.

"w- bitch what?? excuse me?" she says furrowing her eyebrows as i roll my eyes.

"you heard me whore." i say rushing into the shower stall and locking the door behind me.

i could hear her sigh and mutter out a little "okay then" before leaving the shower room.

 fuck why did i do that..

-

-

-

"i kinda don't want to leave this place because of their food like honestly it's so much better than my mom's cooking bro she could learn a thing or two from them- umm hello you good? .. what's on your mind ames?" heidi says as she stops munching on her sandwich and wraps an arm around my shoulder. 

"huh? yeah im good baby" i smile as she narrows her eyes at me.

"lies. did something happen?" she puts her food down and averts all her attention onto me. 

she's such a cutie.

"nothing i promise.. just.. i don't understand why i do the shit i do sometimes.. i piss myself off dude fuckk me." i put my head down on the table in front of me as she sighs.

"mm i get it honey. did something specific happen recently or?? just memories??" i shake my head.

"just a few hours ago.. i was with billie in the bathroom i was talking to her she fell we were both laughing whatever.. the second she put her hand on me as a joke i just.. switched up.. like i did a full 180 heidi. fuck" i feel tears stinging my eyes.

"heyy hey baby it's okay" she pulls me into a hug as i start sobbing softly.

"i don't wanna be like this.. it's all her fault. i fucking wish i did the job right i hope she's burning in the pits of hell heidi." i look up at her as frowns and rubs my back.

"don't let her turn you into a monster amber.. it is her fault and all but just pray that she made it out alive. that's if you want to get out of here." she sighs as i pull away from the hug and furrow my eyebrows.

"no. i don't want to leave this place. not if she's still alive. i'll do it all over again if i have to i don't give a fuck." i say shrugging and wiping my tears away.

she doesn't get to live while i suffer the consequences of everything she's put me through.

not in a million years.