Sleeping with Elodie (wlw)

CHAPTER THREE

Reminiscing wasn't always fun and entertaining, that she was aware of, but she hated to be feeling like this. It was true that she had worried so many times about Ronit. She had waited for her messages some nights, hoping she was okay after all that partying. When Ronit left she felt as if she had lost someone very important. Someone who understood her beyond anyone else, a person that she truly would have loved to spend more time with. Now they were here, in the restaurant of a hotel in Cassis, both old, both grown up. Elodie had mixed feelings. She felt a similar confusion to the night Ronit confessed her feelings towards her. They had smoked a cigarette outside together, and then they both went their separate ways to their bedrooms, or at least that was what she thought until she was surprised by someone knocking on her door. Ronit was there, outside of her dorm, playing with her rings anxiously. The younger girl spoke rapidly, and then started crying mid sentence.

El... I really wanted to kiss you tonight. And I... I don't even know why I'm here... I'm sorry.

Elodie hugged her tight, and let her cry on her shoulder for what felt like hours. Elodie didn't know what to say. She was confused about what she felt back then. "You know, I never really... I never forgot about you." Ronit said, making Elodie come back to the present.

Elodie smiled, unsure what to say. She drunk the remains of her wine and signaled the waiter to fill her glass.  "I..." Elodie said, looking away from Ronit's eyes. She wished she wasn't stuck in thought like this, unlike Ronit, who spoke her mind. Somehow she felt guilt.

"I have a long day tomorrow, so..." The brunette said, when actually she didn't have any plans. "I think I'll go to bed now."

Elodie watched Ronit stand up from the table awkwardly and kiss her cheek goodnight  while she stayed sitting. Then she watched the brunette walk away. She couldn't deny her old friend looked beautiful in that silky black dress, and the red lipstick was definitely a change. Watching her walk away felt just like that time. – After Ronit said what she said, and Elodie hugged her and calmed down her sobs... they went out for another cigarette in the cold of New York in November. They sat, freezing, on some steps outside their building, sharing a cigarette.

Ron, I like you, too. I think you're exceptional. I think you're a beautiful girl, really. But you're leaving in four days. And as much as I'd like to have something with you, we have no time. I'd rather we stayed friends. I... I don't want to hurt you. Because if I said yes to this, even if I really want to, then the goodbye would be much worse... and I really don't want to hurt you.

That night was something they never spoke about again. Elodie stood up from her seat, realizing she began to tear up. She went to sign the bill, just to be told that Ronit had already taken care of it. She made her way to her bedroom, overthinking. What happened tonight? What was all this? Why did she feel like this? She had the image of Ronit standing up from those cold steps with a small sad smile saying goodnight, and now she had a new image... her sad smile saying goodnight at the restaurant. She wondered if she had red lipstick on her cheek from her kiss. Elodie tossed and turned all night. Didn't get one minute of sleep. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The actress ended up smoking a cigarette on her room's balcony, looking at the nocturnal sight of Cassis. She could still feel the touch of Ronit's lips on her cheek, and she remembered the sad sight she had as she walked away... what had gone wrong? What did she say? What would her lips feel like somewhere else than just her cheek? Elodie felt bad, she felt as if she had done something wrong or maybe she didn't say anything, and that was why Ronit got upset. She questioned why she cared so much about it. Elodie still had the souvenir of Ronit's dashing smile back in New York, she remembered seeing her dance in the crowds, making friends with everybody around her... sometimes Elodie envied that, her gift to make friends so fast. Ronit was always the center of attention and she was her spectator. The overthinking was taking over her, to the point that sun light started to leak through the curtains of her hotel room. Every time she thought of her little time with Ronit in New York she felt guilt. Guilt for breaking her heart, even if it was the right and mature thing to do. I never forgot about you. She kept hearing Ronit's voice in her head. Instead of keeping herself in bed, bummed, she decided to be productive. She decided to focus on something else. So she took a shower, got dressed, did her makeup and stared at the mirror... Ronit was right, she had aged. Elodie never paid any attention to how old she had gotten, until now. Even if underneath her skin she felt like a 20 year old, she looked like an almost 40 year old woman. A lonely 40 year old woman.