the daily life of an anorexic

my eighth grade year

Well, all the high school tennis girls thought I was a joke. One of them asked me if I had any friends. no, no i don't. I said yes of course, all the girls yelled at her. Good thing school wasn't like that. Well at first it wasn't. The first couple weeks of school I was quiet and I hung around those bitches I hate now. Austin and I broke up September 25 2014.
There was another guy. His name was James. He was a seventh grader. We started dating September 26 2014. Once again all the girls thought he was hot. Claire, she had a boyfriend for about a year. They broke up. Right in front of me she blurts out "I just love being single don't you. oh wait hehe". Bitch. I hate her. It's only the beginning of the year. What am I going to do. Everyone probably hates me. I have like 3 friends and James. I guess Ben is a friend. I thought I really liked James. Maybe part of me knew I liked Ben. Well it was to late. I broke up with James and Ben and I had a secret relationship.
I meet these girls online. We all became best friends. We talked about our eating disorders. Well the "eating disorder" I told myself I had. I wouldn't call it that I'm too fat and ugly. Plus it didn't even help me lose weight for a while. Around December Ben and I decided we would "go public" right after we told each other our "stories" I starve, he cuts and we both want to die, but he was officially mine. Claire couldn't have him. He asked me out. I said no. We still had our "thing". Then I ended it. Caleb went to a different school. We only talked for a day before we started saying the L word. He didn't last long. He got his phone taken away. We stopped talking.
There was this new girl at my school. Her name was Susan. She was the most amazing person I had ever meet. She was diagnosed with clinical depression. I still loved her. I didn't really tell her about my problems but thats okay. My school was going to Washington D.C. in a month and I Noel was still fat. Ana mode was about to be turned on. And it was. Until Tony and I became friends. Well more than friends. I was in love with him and maybe I still am today. We hugged, we laughed, we were us and nothing could tare us apart. He made me happy.
D.C was coming and I didn't care about how I looked or felt because of him, how he made me
so happy. The day before our date, the day after he started calling me his girlfriend, he broke my heart. I had to see him later that day too. At a hockey game my parents were forcing me to go to. The girls state hockey championship game. I was laying in bed all day crying and my mom called me up stairs and told we were are about to leave. I wasn't ready at all. Well, I still went. I got two guys numbers. I wasn't over Tony how could I do that. I thought about why he left. I thought long and hard then I realized I was too fat and uglier for him. Even though he wasn't attractive, but neither was I. I didn't eat for days and when I did I ate very little. It was March. How could it already be March? I needed to lose weight fast spring break was in less than a month. I tried a diet. All I did was eat and eat and eat. I probably gained like 3 pounds. We left for spring break and I think maybe I ate as much as I did in a day in march then I did that whole trip. My dad yelled at me when I freaked out about food at dinner. Which happened a lot over spring break in Florida. I got home and once again I didn't eat. Only 2 more months of school got to get my summer body. That didn't happen. All I did was eat, but what's new? Austin and I started talking again. Right before school ended. It was like we never stopped. It was amazing. I keep thinking to myself why did I end it with him he is amazing. Later that week I told Austin I wasn't a happy person and that I stopped eating. He was mad of course he told me I was beautiful and that my body needed food. I would eat a little just for him.
Susan would always say how me and him were going to get back together but that would never happen.
Susan's birthday was coming up and so was the last day of school. My best friend just turned 14 and I just have to survive 3 and 1/2 more days of school. What could be better? Well it's the first day of summer and I failed half my exams. My teacher emailed parents and I'm writing an essay during summer. Go Noel. I turned that shit in now time to starve and sleep. Fml.