Wildflower: Dear Diary

1/3-prologue

Dear Diary,

What do you do when your mind finally shuts up? I actually don't really know, but I want to. Last week was miserable and I couldn't even get myself to cry a single tear. No matter how many times I wanted to sob until I couldn't breathe, nothing left my eyes. It was unbearable and suffocating.

During every breakdown I've ever had, I always wondered when the day would come when I wouldn't cry over my stupid problems and just feel numb. I thought that the day would lift all the weight off my shoulders, and that I would feel so free that I would start to accidentally float off into the sky. But it's literally the complete opposite! What a rip-off.

That doesn't matter though. My room at the moment is a chaotic disaster from my laziness, and being the messiest creature to ever roam the earth didn't help. I try to clean it every other month if I'm feeling up to it, but I kind of gave up after it was in the same condition as before in literally just 3 days.

My mom is always annoying me on how many bugs will show up, but the most I've seen was a tiny, pathetic roach. I think it was a baby. Does that mean that there was a mom and a dad roach somewhere? Oh. Maybe that's why my mom says to clean my room. I can barely see the floor at this point.

It's a struggle though! I was forced to quit all sports when I broke my knee playing soccer last summer, and it still hurts to walk sometimes. My doctor says that with enough physical therapy I can play sports again, but the chances are pretty low.

I used to play soccer for about 3 years, and I would do sparring on the side just because I thought it was fun. I was really bummed out when my doctor basically told me that any chances of having fun at recess were almost nothing.

Although, I've gotten into writing recently (hence me making this sloppy Diary), and I want to see my progress over the years of writing this. I'm going to try to write at least one page each week but knowing my habit of never following through with anything, I doubt I'll be able to stick to my plan.

Anyways! I have school in like...two days. It'll be the second semester, and for once I'm actually pretty excited to get this school year over with. Five more months of bullshit and seventh grade will be over with.

There's another reason I'm excited as well. It's about this boy. So cliché, blah blah, I know. But he's so cute, and so kind, and so funny! He has this shiny, short, black hair that sits in perfect waves, and these sky-blue eyes that are like oceans to get lost in. He's a little taller than me, maybe about 5'5 and two quarters, while I'm still only 5'1. I'll get my growth spurt soon, trust me! I'm only thirteen! This boy's name is Levi.

I'm hoping to be friends with him by March, and then maybe we'll kiss if I can manage to seduce him. If. I'm kind of socially lacking, so this might be more difficult than any assignment I've ever done for school. I'd like to think that I can at least hold up a conversation for 3 minutes, maybe even 6 minutes. Am I being a little too sure of myself? Eh, probably.

He does have some concerning red flags though, and yes, I'm choosing to ignore them. He makes too many inappropriate jokes for a 7th grader, (in my opinion at least,) And he hangs out with a lot of assholes. I probably shouldn't cuss now thinking about it... Whatever!

He also is a lot dumber than me, which I know sounds mean, but I need someone up to my level and more! I tested for gifted in March of 5th grade and easily passed. I actually kind of hate talking about this because everyone always thinks I'm so stuck up, but I really just want to express how proud I am of myself.

Speaking of months, March and April are definitely the best. The other ones are either too hot or too cold. My mom says that I'm underweight for my age, making my body's ability to heat up and cool down a little harder than other people's.