Wildflower: Dear Diary

Purple Pansy: 9

Dear Diary,

Here's what happened today. Trigger warning for self harm.

1/6

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The grey SUV screeched to a stop on the side of the road that led to the dense forest. Supposedly, there was a clearing somewhere deep in the forest that was the park, and if I were to wander even further, the woods would spit me out at a beach.

The undersides of my thighs were already slick with sweat since I had been anxiously bouncing my knees up and down for the past few minutes. Was I anxious with excitement or with nervousness? I didn't know, but I did know that it was too late to back out.

"Bye, Mom."

My own voice heaved me from my own thoughts and seemed to get my legs to work. I sluggishly opened the car door and slid out onto the dirt below me. Without a word, my mom drove off. I wasn't fully sure how I would get home, but I figured I would end up there eventually.

I trudged through the thick forestry in hopes of finding the park. When I did find it, the rest of the group was already there, Levi, of course, being the one my eyes landed on first. I smiled brightly and waved.

My lips separated to speak, but Levi beat me to it. "Hey! You made it." His voice was like butter on toast, gravely when needed, but smooth overall.

His friends looked me over, and I only really recognized one of them. Most of them gave me judging stares, but the other two just smiled with me, clearly glad to see a new face.

The bubbly girl I knew the face of had dark brown skin that shined like a freshly varnished painting and eyes with irises darker than the deep void. The tips of her braided hair were woven in with baby pink dye, and she had a large but subtle lavender bow in the top of the braided ponytail. Her cheeks hadn't lost their chubbiness of early age, and her lashes were a length to be jealous of. Her outfit was what made me remember her in the first place. She wore a flowy, lilac colored skirt that laid a few inches above her knees, and had on a comfy, darker purple sweater with some pretty lettering stitched into it. It read the words, "She's evolving". And right below it said, "(I'm she)".

I gave her a soft smile and she handed one back, and in that exact moment, I think we both understood each other completely.

I saw a kid a bit taller than Levi bring a bright blue, plastic stick up to his mouth and suck in a deep breath, only to let out grey smoke moments later. He was sitting on a wooden table with bench seats connected on either side, and he had a smaller boy lying in his lap. He handed the vape to the boy laying on him, letting him take a hit.

My gaze strayed away from them and to a girl chatting loudly with another girl popping bubblegum. They were both sitting on the ground with their backs leaning on a tree behind them.

The vape, the late hours, the two boys closely intertwined, everything felt so rebellious. It was exciting, while also being sickening. They were all doing stuff that I've been told my entire life is something to be ashamed of, and they were doing it so freely. I admired it and wanted to chase it.

I sauntered over to Levi, and he smirked down at me, knowing that he was my first choice. "Hey." I greeted simply.

"Hey." His hand found my wrist, and my whole world slowed with the contact. He pulled me along with him to an open patch of soft grass.

"Do you guys do this often?" I questioned as we both plopped down in the greenery.

To my words, he just shrugged. "I mean, occasionally, yeah." I nodded.