𝐓𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐅𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 (ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ x ᴏᴄ)

Chapter 23

"𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕥 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝𝕤 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖..."
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　"𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕟𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝔽𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣."　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

"What's it gonna take for you to give in to me?" Katsuki's voice, deepened with frustration, blurs into my ears unfavourably.

I don't get it, why he's doing this? All of this. Pulling me into him like I'm a warm sack of meat on a cold day. Muttering stupid questions into my ears as though he actually means it.

From my perspective, it's a little off-base. As far as I've been concerned, he's the one with all this power over me. Like an untouchable figure, but that's all changed as of late. Things are tumbling off course faster than I can fix them. Questions just keep popping up before I have the chance to answer even one.

It's just a little... overwhelming.

He's just a boy. I don't understand why his mere presence makes me feel so exhausted. Like I always need to be alert so I can catch something he says and scoff at it. I'd rather not do that anymore, I almost find myself just wanting to pretend, at least for the few more seconds I have to avoid his question... Just wanting to pretend that he's already mine. Exactly the way I want him, wholly mine, his entire heart in it.

As if we're just a normal couple already, lounging with one another with no tension split between us. Would it be so hard to achieve? Him being... well, him, offers a few bumps in the idea. I never would've imagined that he'd ever hug me... but here he is, proving otherwise. And that's fine, but I can't help but assume that this'll never happen again.

He's just doing it so I'll latch myself onto him more than I already have. Soon enough, it'll get so bad that I'll probably force my mom to keep me off school when he inevitably lets me down. I'm preparing for heartbreak, I know how it's going to happen and I know why it'll happen.

So why am I letting it continue? This whole game serves me nil, I gain nothing from it. Sure, while we're playing, I'll feel fulfilled, I'll feel wanted, even grateful that he's actually spending his time bothering to deal with me. But it won't be forever, it won't even be for long. I know I don't have the resolve to refuse him for much longer, and once it happens...

Once he's got what he wants from me, the same thing that most boys seem to stare at me with the desire for, he'll just throw me aside. And that's when I'll regret the exact actions I'm taking now.

No, not my actions, my inaction. The fact that I'm not doing anything to stop this, whatever it is. I'm letting it remain muddied, vague, and completely meaningless to him. Maybe if I just force him to date me before he gets what he wants, he'll have no choice but to stick around a little longer, but in the end- the outcome remains the same.

Me with a sore little heart, pitied by my friends who'd more than likely seen it coming and muttered about it out of my ear-shot. And Katsuki, ego boosted higher than ever, the subject of envy, the winner in this stupid teenage fever that seems to encapsulate anyone who has feelings to spare.

It's almost unfair, to myself. I'm letting it go further, knowing it'll only hurt me. It's as if I'm holding a flame up to my skin, letting the few painless milliseconds of delay fill me with ecstasy before the inevitable burning pain shoots to attention.