elements of nature.

confessions.

 Cole sat on my bed like I motioned him to do. I gave him a quick smile and then he started to talk. "I have a confession to make." He started. I nodded. "Go on then." I added. He looked away and I could sense that he was disappointed. "I am so sorry for treating you like that! I just...." He said as a tear came down his right cheek. I grabbed his hands and he looked at me. "Cole....I have to stop you there... Look....Did I do something wrong for you to treat me this way...Because I don't remember doing much?" I asked. Cole sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, I knew he was nervous because he does that when he is. "No...You did nothing wrong Lil...." I smiled at the name, it's been a long time since he's called me that.
My smiled disappeared when I saw how upset he was. He looked away once again and I noticed he was holding back tears, and he breath was all shaky. "It hurt like hell when you fell onto that blade...and it didn't make anything easier when you almost died a few times later. I stayed with you the first week never left your side because I love you Lil... Your the little sister I never had." I now noticed he was crying. I grabbed his chin and made him look at me. I kissed him on the cheek. I looked him deep into his sad sorry green eyes. I smiled.
"Cole you will never be replaced in my heart....You are the big brother I never had...even though we are only a few months apart. Cole I love you so much, I will kill myself for you... and thats why I almost did today... I am christian and believe in God. I did know what would happen to me if I killed myself... but.."
Tears came running down my own face once again. "I thought... It would be.... Better then the pain you put me through...." I cried biting my bottom lip to try and stop me from crying anymore. I wanted to look strong in front of my friend for Cole. I tasted that gross taste you taste when you taste blood. I licked my bottom lip noticing I had cut it. Cole looked into my eyes and hugged me. "I had no idea I hurt you that bad...I swear... when I heard that you almost died it broke my heart." He whispered. I nodded. We stopped hugging and he sighed once more. "Look Lil.... I have another confession to make..." He started. "When you were in the hospital my nightmares might have got worse... I had many many nights without any sleep at all.... and.... I thought.... If you did die... I couldn't live woth myself.. but if you died and maybe I acted like a hated you or something it would be easier on me....Lil I am so so so so so so sorry..... It hurt so much to watch you lay there unconscious... It hurt me to not be with you...." He added.
I smiled and gave him another hug. "I forgive you Cole...Lets just put it behind us and act like it never happened.... We will always be friends...." I said. We hugged once more. And he left my room. Zane came back into my room and looked at my big red puffy eyes. He walked over and gave me a hug. He rubbed my back in slow circles. And it was very soothing. Once we were done hugging we started to kiss. Something we did not do a lot. Our lips once again locking. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him. Still not breaking the kiss. He put me against the wall, and I wondered if I might be to heavy for him. Then the thought slowly disappeared. He lifted my shirt and put his hands on my back. I smiled. He licked my bottom lip wanting to explore the undiscovered area. I opened my mouth without a second thought.
And our tongues fought for dominance. After a while he pulled away to take a breath. And I playfully pouted then started to play with his blonde hair. He kept a firm grip on me and then we laid down on my bed. We cuddled there for a while. In silence but it was not awkward. I finally broke it. "That... I wanted to do for a long time." I smirked at him raising my eye brows up and down. He looked down at me. "Ya? Really? And what was the-" He raised his eye brows up and down. "For?"
I giggled still playing with his hair. And he didn't seem to really mind. "Yes and that-" I did the eye brow thing again. "Was for-" I sat up flipping my hair over my shoulder and looking upwards. "Dramatic affect.." I finished. Then looked at him with both had huge smiles plastered on out faces. And then we burst into laughter. Something I hadn't done in a long time. I laid back down and we continued to cuddle. Something I also loved.