God and Monsters

Chapter 32

I'm fucking rattled, like an old A/C unit on its last leg.
We just arrived home. Lisa is in the basement taking care of Xavier, and I'm desperately grasping onto my last shred of sanity. Restlessness gathers in my bones, and I feel like an animal confined within my own cage. Heart pounding, I close my bedroom door behind me and then pace the floor, running my hands through my hair and pulling tight-a pathetic attempt to calm the anxiety.

Don't worry, diamond, I'll make this nice and slow for you. I want you to feel every inch of me.
No, I don't want to.

Tears build in my eyes, and I shake my head, attempting to rid myself of that demonic fucking voice. I must've forgotten to lock the damn door because minutes later, Lisa bursts in and slams it shut, a wildfire raging in her eyes.

"We need to have a talk, Roseanne. I've let you process for over four hours now. I need you to talk to me."

Hysteria is consuming me, and what doesn't she get? I don't want to hear her fucking words, nor do I want to give her mine. There's too many of those in my head, and I'm drowning in them.
Whirling away, I bolt for my balcony doors. I've no idea what I'm going to do once I get there-maybe just pitch myself over the rail and end it all -but her arm is curling around my waist and turning me right back around. The second my feet touch the ground, I wiggle out of her hold and turn to face her.

"Stop it," I snap. "Just leave me be, Lisa."

"How many times will you run away before you learn that you can't escape me?" she growls, getting in my personal space before I can even take a breath.

I take a step back, retreating from her intensity. She doesn't let me go, though, stepping back into me until I'm pressed against the wall.

"However many times it takes before you realize I don't want to be caught," I snarl, my own anger rising. I'm not even sure what I'm angry at, just mad that she's mad.

Let me feel every inch of this sweet body, diamond. Fuck, you feel so good. Don't I feel good too, baby?

"You're drowning, Rosie. Just let me help you."

I narrow my eyes, my mouth thinning into a straight line. "I've been doing fine!" I argue heatedly, growing defensive purely because she's right. I am drowning. And the scariest part-I don't feel the need to come up for air.

"You're not fine. And you know what? Neither am I. I'm not fucking fine at all." Her hand trembles as she brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

The woman who's borne so much strength, a pillar of stone despite the ruthless attempts made to knock her down. But the thing is, stone still crumbles. It still breaks and chips and cracks. Even when it's left standing, there will always be missing pieces.

Here she stands before me, crumbling as we speak.
"I dream of all the ways I will make them suffer," she whispers. "I dream of their blood on my hands-between my teeth. I will kill every last one of them for you, little mouse, and I will fucking rejoice in it."

I stare up at her, my lip trembling as I force myself to keep the emotions down. At first, I felt everything while trapped in that house. And then, I felt nothing. And now, I'm left with a pile of broken pieces in my hands where my heart is supposed to be, and I don't know how to mend it without cutting myself deeper.

"I don't need you, Lisa. I don't need you to do anything for me."

She clutches the back of my neck and pulls me in. "See, that's what we're not going to do, Roseanne," she barks, baring her teeth. "We're not going to act like you're so tough that you don't need me anymore. Because you want to know something, baby? There are very few men in this world capable of killing me. And I fucking need you. Do you understand me?"