I am NOT Bella

Chapter 6 - God has no eyes for fallen angels

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I trembled and couldn't find the words.

"I'm sorry, sis. I didn't mean to..."

"I don't give a crap about your intentions. All you had to do was follow the damn plan. But you're so cloud-headed and weak-hearted that you blew it."

"But sis, he came..."

"You couldn't ignore a snotty three-year-old? Give me a break. How could I have such a stupid sister?"

I looked at her in dismay, how did she find out about my meeting with Valentin?

"I didn't give you permission to meet him, you should mind your own fucking business, you insignificant weirdo!" Bella gritted her teeth, grabbing my collar and then pushing me away.

"Sorry. It won't happen again, I won't... "

"C'mon, you won't leave after doing this shit. You must fix this fucking mess!"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not gonna play the role of good mother to that drooling kid."

"Don't ask me this, Bella. It is cruel to toy with a child's feelings."

"You should have thought of that before you screwed up. Now I don't care. I'm done cleaning up your shit. You're going to get your hands dirty!"

With every word she said, she pressed her index finger against my chest. Each sting choked my chest, rang in my ears, and started to steal my sanity.

"I can't, Bella."

"What's the matter? We've done things worse than this! Why are you freakin' out?"

"I can't tell you."

Bella let out a laugh that made me cringe.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of what Xavier might do to you?"

I dropped my head. Unable to face her, I was breathless.

In a low, threatening tone, she leaned close to my ear. "You'll do whatever it takes to carry out our plan, whether it's stealing, cheating or even making him fuck you. I don't give a damn!"

"Please Bella, don't..." I pleaded between sobs.

"If you love me, you'll do it! Or forget I even exist! You'll never see me again!"

I looked at her in horror. My pulse exploded like a drumbeat in my ears, drowning out the sound of Bella's voice, which echoed hollowly in the distance. To stop it, I clenched my hands and beat them rhythmically in my ears. My body began to swing back and forth like a pendulum. I couldn't regain control, overwhelmed by the wave of anguish that washed over me, making sounds, lights and touches pierce me like needles. I lost track of time and my own movements until I collapsed on the floor.

Many hours must have passed before I came to my senses. I opened my eyes in the dark, stunned by the cold of the floor, with only a gentle vibration to warm my chest. Neo slept on the floor beside me, perhaps protecting me or soothing my pain with his purr. I sobbed, wiping away the tears that kept falling.

Neo meowed incessantly, urging me to get up and begging for food. I dragged myself to my feet to change his food and water, with a sore body and blurred vision, while he rubbed himself between my legs.

Then I went into the kitchen and boiled water. I poured it into my favorite porcelain mug with two bags of chamomile tea. I watched the smoke rise from the fluid as it slowly turned yellow. The mellow aroma soothed my nerves.