Jikook | Does he like me?

Chapter 4

All the members in the room are looking at me now, including the one hovering by the doorway. My face falls and I look down at the bedsheets, fiddling with them guiltily.

"I tried! I really did! I just couldn't! Every time I tried to eat some my stomach twisted, thinking about the fact that you guys were coming. I really thought you were going to kick me out of the group." Throughout my terrible excuse my words got quieter and quieter feeling the heavy glares weighing down on me. I pout as I quickly glace up at them.

"I'm sorry." I choke.

"This wouldn't have even happened in the first place if I had just lost weight like a normal person instead of not eating. I'm so stupid.." I whisper out. Tears at this point are pouring out of my eyes again, and this time I try to glace specifically to the doorway hoping to catch Jungkook's eyes. But he's no longer there.

Of course he isn't. Why would he be? I didn't expect him to come at all.

"Jimin-ah hey, settle down okay? We are just worried about you. And we feel guilty as well. None of us realised that you were skipping so many meals. We have 6 other members in our dorm and not one of us picked up the fact that you..." I curl into myself hearing hobi-hyung try and explain. It makes me feel worse that they are trying to validate what happened and blame themselves instead. "You know what, let's not get into it yeah? The main thing is that your awake. Let's just start working on getting you healthy now, eh?"

I slowly nod at him using the sleeves of the jumper to dry my face. Smelling the scent on it again I unconsciously take a deep breathe.

"By the way, who's clothes are these?" I ask finally looking up at them.

They all look between each other and then at the doorframe. I swallow knowing what that must mean. They're looking for Jungkook.

"If you're looking for him, he already left." I say looking at their reactions. Joonie-hyung just shakes his head and sighs, gesturing the others with a nod towards the door. Everyone but Tae starts heading out.

"I'm going to go find the doctor okay Jimin-ah? See how much longer you have to stay here." Joonie-hyung says as he's at the doorway. I nod at him then look back over to Tae who gives me a sad smile, coming over to sit in front of me on the hospital bed while I cross my legs making more space.

"Jimin. Why?" Tae asks looking at me straight in the eyes.

I hesitate for a moment, knowing full well that there's no way I am going to get away with lying to my soulmate. But as I look into his eyes all I can think about is how close Jungkook has been with him lately.

I hate myself for that.

Can I not even be happy for my best friend? Do I even deserve to call myself his best friend knowing full well that I would wish everything I have, hoping that they aren't together and I'm wrong?

I go to take a deep breathe into the hoodie again, trying to find the strength to have this conversation, then catch myself remembering just who's hoodie I was wearing and who's scent I'm taking comfort in.

Does he know? I glance as Tae.

I decide to tell a half truth instead.

"Prepare yourself! There's a lot to unleash here soulmate" I half laugh using his nickname. But he doesn't look the least bit amused, instead he looks at me expectantly, and I sigh. Trust Tae to be serious now.

"I wanted to show my worth. I wanted army to love me. I wanted them to watch me on stage and say that I deserved to be up there with all of you. With everything that has been said online lately, I felt like this was my last chance. My voice isn't good like yours and Jungkook's, and I can't rap like Joonie, Hobi and Yoongi-hyung. Let's be real, who am I kidding to think that I deserve anywhere else but 7th place on the looks rating, because I'm definitely not as handsome as Jin-hyung." I take another deep breathe realising the slip of bitterness in my voice referring to Jungkook's actions.