You Were Running (I Was Hiding)

Waking Up To Start Again (L)

Ivory suits and white dresses swirl around. The lights were burning too brightly into his eyes, and he could not see who was reaching for his hand. Reaching for their first dance. He tried to blink up at them, his eyes struggling to adjust to the light. He gasped as his hand was taken and used to turn him into a slow waltz.

Louis woke up gasping for air, his heart racing in his chest. When he opened his eyes, the sunlight was streaming in from his windows straight onto his face. He groaned and threw an arm over his eyes to try to block it out–mornings had never really been his favorite. As his brain worked to comprehend what he was dreaming, his thoughts finally caught up with the day. It was May 30th, 328 NE.

His wedding day.

Fuck.

He groaned out loud again and wrenched the sheets off of himself. He stood and stretched as he stared out the window at his father caring for the goats in the field. A small smile crossed his face, but it did not quite reach his eyes. He was truly going to miss this. After today, he would not be here anymore. He would be at his spouse's house or farm or mansion–whatever they lived in. His life suddenly felt like a bad game of MASH, choosing a random number and praying to whatever god there was that he would end up with a happy life.

In New Eglesia, all marriages were arranged. If lucky, the pairing would be with someone tolerable enough to spend most days with and have a few children. Most people got lucky; however, luck had never truly been on Louis' side. Pairings were made between people in the same year. At least it was never with a stranger, which Louis had learned was what happened in other cities. He had been with the same people since he was six years old in year one. That was until they presented as their secondary genders before year eight. Even then, they all attended the same school, but alphas, betas, and omegas all had a different set of classes to attend.

All three genders focused on the core studies: math, english, science, and history. These were the only classes that alphas and omegas would attend side-by-side. Omegas also attended etiquette, cooking, and homemaking classes, whereas alphas attended business, engineering, and leadership classes. Betas were lucky enough to be able to choose their classes between the two or even mix them together.

Louis had to tear his eyes away from the farm and turn toward his room. He had no time to ruminate on what today was as time was already passing too quickly and his window for getting ready was dwindling. His suit was hung on the dresser, and the white satin looked back at him mockingly. He gave it a wide berth as he crossed the floor and went out into the hallway to the bathroom. He shut and locked the door before he turned to face himself fully in the mirror. His hair was knotted after a long night of tossing and turning and there were deep purple circles under his eyes. He looked as terrified and exhausted as he felt. He was an animal knowingly being taken to slaughter with absolutely no way to stop it. He froze at that thought.

Louis turned on the faucet and tried splashing cold water onto his face in an effort to see if he could grasp onto any semblance of calm, of normalcy; however, today was anything but normal. Louis peered at himself in the mirror, leaning close enough that he could see the pores on his nose, every freckle dusting his cheeks. He heaved a deep sigh before pushing back and grabbing his hairbrush, trying to rip it through the tangled mess of hair on his head. As he ripped through it, he started to wake up a bit more, and the weight of today sat heavily on his chest. He was getting married. He was getting married to someone he knew at least, he thought bitterly to himself, even if he did not know exactly who it was. The hairbrush froze above his head.

Fucking married.

Louis' entire life had led to this moment. Every year of school, every talk from his parents, every single thing he had ever done had led him to this. Suddenly though, A's in cooking and homemaking did not seem like it would do him any good. This was going to be real life. He shakily put the hairbrush down before he grabbed a towel, set it on the counter, and stepped into the shower. The cold water washed over him, giving him a reprieve from his spiraling thoughts. Once the water reached a more acceptable temperature, he was able to easily go through the motions of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shave, and rinse on autopilot and the monotony calmed him down. He let the thoughts of getting clean become his focus and not how his life was going to change after today. How everything he had ever known was going to change.