Blue Scarf

13.

"I hate you..." I moaned, as I let my eyes fall shut. The first words I've said to him in months weren't even true, not really. But I wanted them to be. They were going to be... eventually. "Good." He answered from somwhere miles, worlds, universes away and yet still way too close.

The effort it took to keep myself from asking all the questions frantically swirling in my brain almost made me forget about my leg entirely, safe for Valeriy's hand on it. It somehow made me want to crawl out of my skin but also beg him to put his other hand to use as well.

He must have felt my restlessness, because the next moment he was pulling me up from the ground, "Come on, they are waiting for us." He said and left the room without ever looking back. I took all of a whole second to take a deep breath before following him. This war was long lost by the both of us.

We walked back to the rink in complete silence, neither of us ready to let the enormity of our situation sink in just yet. My mind was completely blank, except for the unshakable feeling of utter loss of control over my life. Nothing seemed to be my choice lately, things just sort of happened with me. I wondered if Valeriy felt the same way. Not that he had the right to do so...

-

Anjelika and Alexey were waiting for us beside the rink, deep in conversation. Suddenly it occured to me how I had no idea what I was going to tell them. I had completely run out of excuses and forgot to make up new ones. I stopped in my tracks, and probably would have stood there for the end of time, had Valeriy not grabbed my arm and dragged me along with him. "Relax." He murmured as we approached our coaches.

I braced myself for the lecture of the century, but once we were in front of them Valeriy just turned to me and asked "Will you tell them, or do you want me to do it?". I didn't miss the briefest flash of surprise on Anjelika and Alexey's faces, definetly a result of them seeing Valeriy talk to me, but it didn't distract me enough to repress the urge to punch him in the face. "Shut up." I hissed, completely forgetting about my manners. "No. This ends here, today. Tell them, or I will."
"You have no right to do this."
"I know that, but we don't have any more time to wait around for you to come to your senses."
"Valeriy if you don't shut your loud mouth right now I swear-"
"Vasilisa!" Anjelika cut in, "Please don't mistake my still being here for any lingering patience. This is purely out of the goodness of my heart. I'm putting my dignity on the line by standing here, willing to listen to you and consider giving you another chance." Her words hit their mark alright. "Nothing bad will happen, I promise." Valeriy said quietly. He had no right to make me feel safe. To make me feel like he cared. But he did even after all we went through. "Alright." I sighed. Alexey took this as his cue to leave, and politely excused himself. I waited for him to be out of earshot, and finally told Anjelika everything.

-

"I can not believe how you could keep that from me for so long!" Anjelika sighed once I finished talking. "Not only is it irresponsible, it is outright dangerous! I honestly don't know whether to be angry or dissapointed or both. But then again... maybe I should think about why you didn't feel comfortable telling me about it in the first place." She continued, shaking her head. "No it's not like-" I began, but she cut me off. "Regardless, I will join in on your hunt for specialists and doctors, and we'll get to the bottom of this. Until then you'll work together to have your condition under control I trust it?" She asked. "Yes we do." Vleriy answered firmly. "Alright then." She closed her eyes and loosened a tired sigh. Time stopped for a second and...

"One last chance." Anjelika nodded and I felt my insides melt with relief. "But seriously, no more keeping secrets! And no more drama. I don't care what you do when nobody else is around to witness it, as long as you act like professionals in the rink and in public. Understood?"
"Yes coach." We answered in unison. "Good. Let's call it a day. Go stretch and meet me in my office afterwards. I need to give you your scripts."
"Scripts?" Valeriy asked confused. "Yes. For your upcoming interview on Friday. And before you ask why you'd need prewritten answers, I think we all know the answer. Your image needs some serious damage control and I won't take any chances."