Purge [VegeKaka]

It started with a feeling.

A wriggling sense of guilt worming its way up to forming a pit in his stomach every time he ate.

A voice at the back of his head telling him that it was wrong.

“You don’t deserve to eat.”

He didn’t know when exactly, but it had started some time after finding out the truth about his grandfather.

For the longest time, he tried not to let it get to him, but the voice persisted.

“Those are meals that he could have been eating if you hadn’t killed him.”

The need to throw up consumed him.

And eventually he acted on it.

He purged himself of everything until there was nothing left.

…

Goku stared at the plate in front of him with an anxious expression. He had the fork but the most he had done was poke and prod at the meat. 

“Goku? Sweetie, what's wrong?” Chichi asked one evening, as they were sitting at the table. Goten was spending the night with Trunks, so it was just them. “You’ve barely touched your meal. If you don’t hurry, it’s gonna get cold.” 

“Oh, right, sorry… I’ll finish it now.” Goku forced a smile, before scarfing it down, just to appease her. 

“Man, that was delicious. Thanks, Chichi.” Goku stood up, nausea hitting him like bricks. He could feel his body rejecting the meat already, but he tried to keep it down, even if only for a few minutes.

“What? That's really all you're eating?” Chichi asked. “Usually you’d want more than more than that…”

“Yeah, I’m kinda not all that hungry right now. I ate some vegetables from our field while I was working earlier. You think you could put the rest up in the fridge for me? I’ll have some later.” Goku lied, in an attempt to reduce her concern as he chugged down the cup of milk he had poured for himself. Milk always made it easier to throw up.

“Of course I can, but are you sure you’re feeling alright? You’ve been acting rather strange lately.” Chichi stared at him. “It’s starting to worry me.”

They weren’t together anymore, but she feared if didn’t keep an eye on him, he would end up hurting himself, whether by accident or even on purpose. He just seemed so lost anymore. And quiet. It scared her. He was never like this before. She couldn’t imagine what had caused the change in him. He almost looked like he was feeling guilty about something.

“I have? I hadn’t realized.” Goku laughed sheepishly. “But don’t worry about it. I’m fine, I swear.”

He couldn’t tell her. About the nightmares, or the voices. It would just cause her more unnecessary concern. She already had enough going on dealing with Goten and Gohan. Holding his hands on the table, he tried to fight off the wave of nausea passing over him, his stomach begging him to get rid of everything.

“Listen. I’m gonna go take a shower now, okay? Also, I’m thinking of spending some time with Vegeta later. You don’t mind, do you?” Goku stood up, already making a beeline towards the bathroom.

“This late? Well, just be careful, alright…?” She sighed, not surprised. She knew what spending time with Vegeta meant. No doubt more training.

“I will!” Goku assured her, before locking the door behind him. He turned on the shower, hoping to drown out of the sound of gagging as he forced himself to throw up everything once again.