Travis sat on the floor of the van his head between his knees, his entire body trembling, his mind as close to the edge as he thought it was possible to go without your sanity snapping
How could this have happened again?
His brain tried to grab at the reality of things but kept missing and he kept spiralling further and further into the darkness of his mind
What the fuck had he ever done to deserve this?!
He slammed his hand down hard onto the floor of the van, he wanted to cry and scream at the unfairness of it all, that twice he had been given something perfect and twice had it snatched so viciously away from him
First it had been his parents and his sister and this time it had been Taylor. The girl that had mysteriously appeared in his life, seemingly sent to save him only now she was gone and once alone he was all alone only this time he knew that he couldn't survive it. He hadn't recovered enough from his first loss to even be able to comprehend his second
Rocking backwards and forwards he tried to keep control of himself, tried to stop himself from overreacting the way he wanted to, to scream FUCK YOU! To the world and then go and join everybody he ever loved
He lifted his head and watched as the red digits turned from 3:49 to 4:00am and even that simple movement felt as though it was taunting him.
Shaking his head viciously he felt himself begin to unravel, his mind feeling too full, his eyes burning, his throat and chest too tight to let in the air his body so desperately needed. He pushed himself self up but white light burst like stars in his head, pushing open the door he stumbled down the steps, landing hard on his hands and knees and desperately begging his body to remember how to breath
"Travis!"
The voice was an echo in the distance as he struggled to see through the early morning light
"Trav!"
He wasn't sure if he was hallucinating, dreaming or dying at that point but when two hands landed on his shoulder and then 1 lifted his chin to look into the eyes he had thought were gone, he couldn't stop his body from reacting, for dragging in air loudly and grabbing the girl that stood soaking wet in her underwear before him and pulling her to him
"Are you okay?"
"You're alive" he forced through his throat, his eyes stinging with the threat of tears, an action that was met by a giggle
"Of course I am"
Travis suddenly pushed her from him and managed to stand up, looking down at where she knelt in the grass, her wet features illuminated by the glow of the early morning sunrise
"Where were you?" He demanded to know, his voice harsh, his eyes narrowed
"I told you, I found a job, I was working and then when I got home it was so beautiful I decided to go for a swim" She pushed herself to her feet and dusted off her knees
"You went to work at 5pm, it's now 4am, where were you all that time?"
"I told you... I was working"
"Until 4am?!'
"Working until 3am then swimming til 4, what's this all about why are you so angry with me?"
"Why?" Travis couldn't believe what he was hearing, couldn't believe that it wasn't obvious to her what had been going through his head "Do you know what i've been sitting here thinking? The things that have gone through my mind?!"
"I told you I was working, I expected you to trust me"
"And I expected you to realise that when someone suddenly disappears from my life my mind immediately goes back to that night, immediately remembers what it's like for someone to leave and just never come back"
"Well then I guess we were both wrong" She replied sadly "Travis, I am sorry for what happened to you, I am but I am not your family and I am not your possession, If i want to go out for 3 days and not tell you then i can do that, we aren't even a couple"
"So that's how it is?" he crossed his arms over his chest as the panic and confusion evaporated and was quickly replaced with anger
"That's exactly how it is. I can't travel with you if you are going to put the weight of what happened in your past on to me. If we're going to do this we both have to be free to live and learn and grow, if you're going to freak out every time i don't do what you expect me to do or turn up exactly when you want me to then this isn't going to work, It isn't going to be fair on either of us because i'm just going to keep hurting you and you... this, this is just going to push me away"
"I can't help the ways in which i'm damaged Call Taylor I can't help the way my body and mind react"
"But you can, and i'm going to help you but please, don't hold me too tight to you because it will only make me run from you" She took a step forward and gently cupped his face "Are you still in, or are you tapping out?
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