Confused.

Mistakes and moments

Marcus.

Gavin and I are talking.

Gavin and I are actually fucking talking.

It has been almost 2 years since we last had a decent conversation, and now that we're back on speaking terms I feel fucking amazing.

I didn't expect him to reply when I sent him a text, thinking he was already asleep, but he did either way and I'm so grateful that he did.

After talking for a bit, we decide to meet up the next day to talk more. Once he sends a text that he's going to bed, I switch off my phone and focus on the walking tragedy that is Isiah Jones.

He doesn't seem to be upset or sad, which is honestly the scary part because  he hasn't brought up the issue ever since we came back.

I'm tempted to ask him about his conversation with Mia, but he talks first, "I love her."

I sigh and smile, leaning against the counter as he makes us tea for the hangovers we will probably have tomorrow.

"I know that."

"Yeah. But did she know that?"

"I can't answer that."

"I asked her if she knew how much I love her and she said the same thing you said," he laughs bitterly, "Wow. I was a fool wasn't I?"

I sigh and go over to him, "Isiah William Jones, you're not a fool. Look, just because she cheated on you doesn't mean it's because of you. She could have her own shit going on for all we know."

"I know that," he says, removing two mugs for us to drink from. I add lemon to mine because I'm a sucker for lemon, "I just wish she would have told me that."

We make our way upstairs to his room. I close the door once we're in and I take a seat next to him in his bed.

We've been sharing a bed since we became friends and nothing, not even my homosexuality, is gonna change that.

"So what are you gonna do about it?" I ask taking a sip of my tea and popping some aspirin in my mouth.

He sets his cup down on the bedside table, "Honestly, I have no idea."

I do the same and turn off the lights. We lie down facing each other, neither of us falling asleep or even close to it.

In my head I picture Gavin and I asleep like this in my room, five years ago, wondering what he was thinking about.

"Gavin?"

My thirteen year old self asks, not sure if he is really asleep or just closing his eyes.

With his eyes closed his answers, "Marcus. What do you need."

"Nothing," I answer shyly. In my head I would have liked to tell him that he has pretty eyelashes, but I couldn't say that to my best friend so instead I say, "Just checking if you were awake."

He opens his eyes and smiles, "I am."

We both close our eyes and while he falls asleep I sit up and spend the rest of the night counting each one of his eyelashes.

I look to Isaac now, sad and broken hearted.

I wonder if Mia counts his eyelashes. So when he falls asleep I text her.

Me:
Hey. You OK?

Mia-more:
Not really. I'm holding up though. Low-key surprised that you don't hate me