"You're playing with lightening Yoon Jeonghan. I'm not an innocent woman. Go play with little girls because I, Cennet Kaplan, I play with guns and grenades"
1 year,
1 life,
1 girl,
And 1 man who doesn't give two shits about his idol image. His hear...
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I don't know what sick joke the universe was pulling but I cannot be close to Jeonghan. He's an idol. An idol...my father would laugh at me till he passed out if he found out an idol caught my attention this time.
Me and Jeonghan? We should stay apart. Separate.
But then that man is tempting the hell out of me. Never have I craved a man the way I crave Jeonghan- a man I met at my regular bar and one who embarrassed me in front of his friends. He pretended not to know me. It's been two weeks since I last saw him, yet his face doesn't leave my thoughts.
Desire. Want. Lust. All of this messes up my emotions terribly. But one thing I know is that I hate him. I hate Jeonghan. Even though I want him.
I can't be thinking about that man right now, not now. Not ever. Today is for Dilara. I promised to go shopping with her, and I will. I need to be a good and responsible mommy and not dwell on any filthy thoughts.
Watching Lara through the rearview mirror, she's playing with her toy bunny, whom she named Bunny. I tried convincing her to pick another name but she threw a fit and I ended up getting scolded by Ms Lee. So I let my grandson be named Bunny. Bunny Kaplan.
Finally, I park at the mall's lot. I haven't even stepped inside, and I'm already irritated being here.
I take a deep breath, reminding myself to be a good mommy today. I get out, unstrap Lara from her car seat, and she happily dances the moment her feet touch the ground. I smile watching her dance joyfully. Dilara is a ray of sunshine. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I knew whoever was growing inside me was going to be different.
If I was darkness, Lara was light. She is everything I could never be. Sometimes I feel guilty for bringing her into my chaotic world.
"Let's go, mama," she tugs at my hand. She's excited about shopping with me, and I'm panicking because I hate shopping. But I can't escape this one because Ms. Lee is out visiting a friend, and I promised Lara I'd shop with her.
I hold her tiny hands firmly as we start walking into the mall. Her tiny gold ballet flats make almost no sound as she continues her happy dance walking inside. The cold air from the AC hits me immediately, and I shiver. This is going to be harder than I thought. I didn't even realize malls had ACs or that they could be this chilly.
"Okay, Pumpkin, please stick with mommy, alright?" I say, taking out the shopping list Ms. Lee made from my jeans pocket.
There are over fifteen items to buy. Why can't it be just a few? Like two or three? I sigh and head toward the kids' aisle. The first item on the list is Dilara's milk. My eyes scan the different brands on the shelves. Ms. Lee had emphasized buying a particular brand, and if I couldn't find it, I should call her. A sweet babble catches my attention as I reach for the brand I needed.
