One-shot (Fightsone/Kaimelia)

Filled with Joy

ER's pov

Damn, I overslept! I sat on the bed, turned off the alarm, and rubbed my face with my hands. I had slept very little, the entire damn week was like this. I can't focus, and I have a thousand things to do.

"Hey, dude, how did you sleep? Better than me, huh?" I said to my cat on the floor as I walked to the bathroom. I quickly showered and left without breakfast. I had a rehearsal with my bandmates. We had two or three concerts this week, adding to other jobs I had – I was exhausted. I had to do everything, but all I wanted was to stay at home away from it all.

I arrived at the venue, probably looking like a walking disaster, as everyone gave me suspicious looks. I greeted everyone and put on a mask of "today I feel like conquering the world." Everything went smoothly until I started making many mistakes, forgetting lyrics, mixing up chords. What's happening, for God's sake, I thought as I called for a break.

"Hey, Fight, you haven't responded to any of Michel's bad jokes, are you sick or something?"
"I'm not sick, it's just that "comedy" is in two days not now," I said unwillingly.
"Hey, calm down, we didn't mean to bother you." I looked at them coldly; I felt lost, even questioning why we were still doing this. They have better talent; maybe I should find another singer. I wasn't fitting in; I felt inadequate. Everything is swirling in my head.

"I think that's it for today, guys," Michel said. I looked at him bewildered, but I didn't want to argue about it. We didn't rehearse for even two full hours but it was grateful.

I was heading home, listening to the things I had today and in the coming days on my phone. Today, I had nothing else, and tomorrow neither. Did I forget to add something here? I have to fix it; staying home thinking is the worst at these moments, I thought as I parked at the entrance.

I arrived, took off my shoes, and sat on the couch checking my phone. I had some unanswered messages, and I didn't dare to look at my social media. I replied to a couple of important things, talked to my mom for a while – I could barely convince her not to come see me. I tried to reassure her that I was fine and could handle the chaos in my mind.

I ordered some food and went back to messages. I scrolled through the screen, and there she was. Caterina.

There were some messages from her in the last few weeks, 5 or 6 voice notes, and 2 missed calls. I had replied to some, short responses mostly, excuses to avoid spending time together. I filled my schedule with things. I was waiting for the day she would tell me she had grown tired of all this.

I hadn't even seen the other messages.

I felt guilty for pushing her away, but it was for the best now.

I clicked on her photo; she looked beautiful with her girls in an illuminated landscape  that competing with their smiles. I smiled, and in this moment of enthusiasm, I clicked on one of her latest voice messages...

"Hey, how have you been? We haven't seen each other much these days, and I miss you. I know you're going through something, and I want to express how important you are to me. I'm deeply concerned to see that you're going through a tough time. I want you to know that I'm here for you.

I paused the audio; my eyes burned from holding back tears. Why is she still in this? Why is she still with me? She has been through difficult things already, and I don't want to be another burden in her life. Those were the questions I asked myself before pressing play again.

"My sincerest wish is to be by your side, even in these darkest moments.
I understand that your perception of things can be distorted, but I want you to be clear about how much you matter to me. Your well-being and your pain, and I want to support you in whatever you need. No matter how long it takes, I'm willing to wait and help you through any adversity."