Signs

Chapter 1

Beyoncé Giselle Knowles is my mame, I'm 19 years old & from Houston, Texas. Currently I'm 8 weeks pregnant with my first child. This pregnancy has already started off rough considering that my boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with the baby and he verbal and physical abuses me any chance he gets. I've tried to leave him so many times but each time the abuse gets worse and I have no where to run to.

My parents Matthew & Tina Knowles aren't speaking to me because of the fact that I got pregnant by my boyfriend & I'm basically messing up my life when I'm supposed to be looking for colleges. Of course they don't know about the abuse part of our relationship because I've kept that to myself and mainly because I've been threatened countless times that if I ever tell anyone about what goes on then he'll beat me so bad.

God knows how badly I want to be free but it's so hard to leave when you've lost everything. I have no support system, no friends, family or anything. The main reason I lost everything is because of Lyndell.

We've been dating for 9 years, ever since we were 12 we've been together on & off but as we gotten older the relationship has gotten worse. He started drinking a lot which played a huge role in this relationship. He's the type to get angry when his drunk and overtime I've just became his punching bag. I remember the first time he hit me and he swore to me that he'll never do it again and he loves me but that was all a lie. I've been beaten on numerous times and talked to like I'm not a human being.

Going into this pregnancy I thought this would help us and bring us back closer. He always talked about starting a family together when we were younger but now he wants nothing to do with this baby. He told me to kill the baby but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought that me having this baby would bring me peace & I would finally have someone in my life who brings me nothing but happiness which is something that I've been missing for so long now.

"Yo Beyoncé it don't take that long hurry up" I heard Lyndell yell out.

I walked out the bathroom & went into the living room where he was. "What do you want me to order?" I asked looking at my phone.

"Just get us some wings or something, the guys should be here in a minute." He said sipping on his beer. I called up this wing spot & and ordered their food. By the time I was done ordering I heard the doorbell ring.

I'm actually happy that they came over because that means I would be able to have sometime to myself while they're keeping him entertained. Opening up the door I see Dame, Emory, Ty and some other person I've never seen before.

"Hi guys, he's in the living room & the food should be here soon." I said moving to the side so they can walk in.

Dame just walked in without saying anything. I never liked him, he was always rude and I feel like his part of the reason Lyndell's behavior has changed.

"Thanks sis, oh this is my homie Jay. Jay this is Lyndell's girl Beyoncé." Ty said. I've been knowing Ty for a while now & he's the only friend of Lyndell's that I actually like. He's never rude and always making sure I'm good.

This Jay person was really tall, he had on this oversized white tee, with some blue jeans & timbs on his feet. He's kind of cute or whatever. "Hi nice to meet, make your self comfortable." I said to him.

He just stared at me for a few seconds then he held his hand out. "Nice meeting you ma." He spoke with his New York accent that made me smile a little. I shook his hand and we just looked at each other for a minute. I have to admit his attractive and his accent is really sexy but I have a controlling ass boyfriend who would be so upset if he saw me even talking to another man for too long.

"Yo sis y'all got some water or something in here" Ty said walking to the kitchen.

"Yes everything is in the refrigerator." I said to him breaking eye contact with Jay. I closed the front door and locked it. "You want anything to drink?" I focused my attention back on Jay.

"Yea I'll take whatever you got ma."

We both walk to the kitchen where Ty was looking through the fridge. He grabbed himself a beer & water and then walked over to the cabinet that has all the snacks. "Yo Jay you better come get some of this, Bey always have the good shit in here."

I just shook my head at him and went to grab Jay a drink. "You want a beer too?" I asked. "Yea I'll take one." He responded back. I grabbed his beer & grabbed myself a water. Since they were here I was going to head to my room and relax. This baby has been making me really tired and lazy. All I want to do is lay down plus I'm still shook up from what happened earlier.

"I'll be back hold on" Ty said as he headed to the bathroom. It was just me & Jay left in the kitchen. I wanted to lay down but it would be rude just to leave him in here especially since he's a friend of Ty. So I just stayed until he returned from the bathroom.

"So you're friends with Lyndell?" I asked Jay.

"Hell nah that's Ty homie, I've been around him a few times. I live in Brooklyn so since I'm down here visiting I've been forced to be around him. Ion normally hang out with niggas like him." He sipped his beer.

I didn't expect him to say that & be so blunt about it. I like it though he seems to not care about what anyone else has to say. Before I could even respond back to him Ty came back from the bathroom and the doorbell rang.

"Beyoncé get the fucking door" I heard Lyndell yell from the living room. I sighed & put my water on the counter. "Yo chill, it just rang" Ty told him. Opening up the door I see the delivery man with the food. I gave him the cash & he handed me all the bags. It was like four bags because these niggas eat a lot of food. "Thank you" I told the guy and closed the door.

Walking back into the kitchen Jay comes over my way. "Let me help you ma" he took all the bags from my hand. "Thank you" I told him. I started taking all the food out and put my stuff to side. Everything was just laid out on the counter for them to grab the food for themselves.

"Well there y'all go, Ty you know where the plates and stuff are. I'm abou-" before I could finish my sentence I hear yelling from the living room.

"Yo what are you doing in there bring me my shit" of course he was talking to me.

"This nigga, his ass needs to come get it" Ty says.

"It's alright, you two get your food." I grabbed a plate & fixed it up for him making sure he had enough food so he won't bother me again. I took him his food and came back in the kitchen to grab mine so I can go in my room.

"Yo ma why you letting him talk to you crazy" Jay spoke.

All I could do was sigh. I can't even tell him the real reason because if Lyndell finds out I said something then that would lead to another argument & him putting his hands on me. "It's okay, I'm going to head to my room. Please eat this food there's plenty." I said grabbing my food & going into the room.

Jay seems like a nice person but I know I shouldn't be telling him what goes on in my relationship because I just met him. I've mad that mistake once when Dame asked the same thing and since I was so vulnerable, I told him that Lyndell beats me and the next day I ended up in the ER with a broken arm. That taught me lesson to keep my mouth closed. I'm honestly scared that one day he'll beat me & I won't be breathing again.

I laid on the bed and rubbed the small bump that was growing. "Mommy is going to make sure that we get out of this mess safely and before you're born. I really don't want to bring you into this world and I'm stuck in this toxic relationship. I promise we're going to live a good life and it will be the two of us together, happy and healthy. I really hope everything works out for us because I really want to be a mommy. It might be really selfish for me to bring you into this world when I don't have everything together but I'm going to try my best to find away for me to leave & start all over again. I promise that I'll have my life together before you're born and make sure you come into this world surrounded with love & peace. Mommy loves you so much."

Tears are now falling from my eyes. I really need to get out of this toxic relationship before something goes completely wrong. I'll make it my mission to get my shit together before my little baby is here. I promise.