Signs

Chapter 3

I feel the throbbing sensation all throughout my body, everything hurts. The more I moved the more painful it felt, I can't believe it got this bad. The person I've spent this past 9 years with had completely turned into a different person. This isn't the same Lyndell I knew and loved. Over the past years I've slowly watched him turn into this angry heartless person. He started drinking more and hanging around the wrong people which have had a huge influence on his behavior. Everything started off slow, I would try to talk to him so we can get help but then that turned into arguments. Then the arguments turned into threats and then the threats turned into verbal abuse until a switch flipped and there was no more of that, he would automatically put his hands on me every chance he got.

The first time he hit me he promised that it was an accident and he really didn't mean it. We were only 17 and I believed him because I was so in love. He was able to calm me down and helped take care of my bruises. I truly believed he wouldn't hit me again, but here we are now. It's so hard to leave when you have no support. He's the only person I have, my parents aren't speaking to me at all and they won't let me talk to my little sister. I have no friends because they would tell me to leave Lyndell and I wouldn't. I didn't want to hear all that so eventually they left because they didn't want to see me being blinded by "love".

Sometimes I want to end it all and I've tried before. It actually happened recently. Lyndell and I were going back and forth nonstop for weeks and I couldn't take it anymore. The pain was too much to handle and I didn't want to feel pain anymore. So I got a bunch of random pills that we had around the house and sat them all on my bed. I had a cup of water waiting next to me so I can swallow every last pill. So close to ending it all when I felt the urge to throw up. I had already been throwing up that whole week but didn't think anything of it. But something told me to go in the bathroom and take a test. Part of me didn't want to take it because I just wanted to be gone but then the other part of me wanted to see if there was a baby in my stomach before I tried to kill myself.

I went I to the bathroom and waited a few minutes for the test & that's when I read the word "Pregnant" on the test. I couldn't believe it and I sat there and cried. More so sad tears because I wanted out so fucking bad and there was no way that I was going to end my life when I have a life growing inside of me. If it wasn't for me throwing up in that moment I would've been dead. Days went by and my thoughts were eating me up.

What was I going to do?
How will Lyndell react?
What if I don't know how to be a mother?

So much was going through my mind and I finally sat down and really thought about everything. Maybe this baby was brought to me as a sign to keep moving on forward and my life is very important, this baby needs me and I need this baby. I felt very selfish for keeping the baby even though things around me weren't going very well. I spent a little while trying to figure out what I was going to do. But once I decided to keep my little baby I knew life was about to get even more serious and I need to be prepared.

Now it's time for the biggest fight of my life and that getting me and my little baby out of here safely.

I slowly remove my body off the floor and wrapped myself up in a towel. There was so sign of Lyndell anywhere in the room or bathroom which was good but scary at the same time. I notice my phone that was slightly cracked on the bedroom floor and things were knocked off the dresser. I picked my phone up and walked into the living room to see if he was anywhere near. There was no sign of him and anywhere in this apartment. Walking back to my room I sat on the bed and opened my phone to see Jay's contact opened.

"Should I call? This is the only person who might can help me. But this could also go very wrong... again." I said out loud to myself. I was so hesitant to call him but if I want help then a phone call needs to happen. Pressing call, my heart started beating so fast. I didn't know what I was going to say or know if he was even going to answer. "This is a bad idea" I thought to myself and was going to the end button when I heard voice on the other end.

"Wsp ma"

*Nothing but silence *

"Yo ma, can you hear me? You good ?" He spoke into the phone.

I still didn't say anything, the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. We just met and here I am calling him trying to get help because I'm in a toxic relationship.

"Bey you gotta say something ma. You need something?"

"I need help" I said quietly with tears starting to form in my eyes

"Ma you gotta speak up for me please." He said in a gentle tone.

"I need your help please" trying not to make it obvious that I'm about to cry.

"What's wrong ma? Where you need me to come?" He sounded so concerned about me and I wasn't used to being talked to so gentle in so long. Tears started falling from my eyes and out of nowhere I lost it.

"Lyndell found your number in my phone... and he accused me of sleeping with you so he beat me and I'm in so much pain right now, I need your help, please." Now I'm hyperventilating and crying trying my best to explain everything to him.

"Yo this nigga finna die, I swear. Ma calm down I'm less than 10 mins away. I'll stay on the phone until I get there. I'm on the way ma don't worry." He kept talking to me trying to calm me down the best way he knew how. He kept doing that until he made it here. "I'm outside, can you come open the door please?" He asked me.

I slowly got in and put my robe on since I was still wrapped up in my towel.