Eira immediately fell asleep while I spent hours staring at the ceiling, a storm slowly brewing inside my head. "You are at it again..." I whispered to myself.
I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to be a part of her universe and for the first time in a long time, I felt that she was the one. But, I was well aware of my dating history – in all of my relationships, I was the one who would readily give even when I could sense that my partner was reluctant to do the same.
"Bakit hindi mo ako ipakilala sa pamilya mo?" I had asked my fourth girlfriend whose alibi was that her mother was very protective of her so she couldn't stay out late.
"Bren, hindi pa nga pwede. Besides, close na close si Jay sa pamilya ko. I don't want them to make comparisons between you two."
"Candy, almost a year na kayong hiwalay n'ung ex mo sabi mo. Akala ko ba alam sa inyo na may bago kang boyfriend?"
"Please, intindihin mo naman ako. Nahihirapan na nga ako, eh, because you keep on pressuring me. Sa tingin mo ba ayaw kitang ipakilala sa amin kung gan'un kadali—"
"Anong mahirap d'un? Saan ang mahirap d'un? Ipinakilala nga kita kaagad sa mga kaibigan ko—"
"Pero, hindi sa pamilya mo kasi wala ka n'un! And maybe that's the reason kung bakit ka nagkakagan'yan kasi hindi mo alam 'yung dynamics ng isang pamilya!"
It was months later when I found out that she and her ex were back together which made me, her boyfriend of nine months, the third party in their four-year relationship.
"Putang ina kasalanan ko ba na wala akong maipakilalang pamilya sa kanya dahil 'yung tatay ko ay nasa ibang bansa at 'yung nanay ko naman ay hindi ko mahagilap?" I had drunkenly asked my friends.
"Eh, kasi nga, Pare, ganito 'yan. Hindi ko nilalahat, pero 'yang mga babaeng 'yan, kapag masyado kang mabait ay inaabuso ka. Kasalanan mo rin naman, bigay-todo ka kapag nasa relasyon," Henry had told me while refilling my glass with Emperador.
"Magkano ba ginastos mo d'un sa Candy na 'yun?" Gene had queried before popping a spoonful of corn sisig into his mouth. "Ang galante mo rin kasi. Sa bata mong 'yan ay ginagawa ka nang sugar daddy."
"Eh, hindi ba, kapag girlfriend aalagaan mo? Bakit ko naman titipirin—"
"Hindi ka pa rin natuto talaga, ano? Minsan sarap mo nang hatawin ng tubo sa ulo, eh, baka sakaling magising ka na d'yan sa mga kahibangan mo."
"Gago ka, Laus..."
"Totoo. Naiinis na nga ako sa'yo, Pare, eh, kasi four girlfriends later ay ganito pa rin ang ending. Kahit may ulcer ako ay kailangan ko pa ring uminom dahil kailangan mo ng karamay. Lumalala tuloy, eh. Baka naman ikamatay ko pa 'yang kabobohan mo pagdating sa pag-ibig."
"Inang 'yan, kung makasabi ng bobo naman. 'Tsaka gago ka, sinisi mo pa ako d'yan sa ulcer mo, eh, tumador ka na naman talaga bago tayo nagkakilala," I had answered and Gene had laughed. "Pero, ang malas ko talaga sa mga babae tangnang 'yan, 'di ko alam kung isinumpa ba ako o ano."
"Nakarating ka nang Amerika ay naniniwala ka pa rin talaga sa sumpa, Moore?" Gene had asked. "Nantutsa. Walang sumpa, uy, engot ka lang talaga pagdating sa babae," he had added.
"O, baka naman lalaki pala ang nakatadhana sa'yo? Sinasabi ko sa'yo, Moore, 'di kita type."
"Ako naman, Moore, ay straight at nasa isang committed relationship kaya pass."
"Tangna nitong mag-pinsang Laus na 'to. Pagbuhulin ko kayong dalawa d'yan makita n'yo," I had said and my friends had laughed.
It took me a while to get into another relationship after my fourth girlfriend. I told myself that maybe I should start focusing on myself and my ventures first. For a year, I stayed single and it paid off because I was able to expand my business. And then along came Dina.
