Roommates (Wolf Star)

gulit

Pov:Sirius

"Hey how are you feeling today" regulus ask. "Better" I look up form my phone. "Here" regulus hands me a cup of coffee. "Thanks" I take the cup and set it down on the table beside me.

"Hey it's fine if your not up for it but remus is asking to see" regulus tells me. "I don't know" I look back at my phone. "I know but you need to talk to him" regulus says before he leaves.

I know I need to talk to him but I just can't face him. It was his ex who outed me to the whole world I know it's not his fault and I don't blame him but I just can't face him. I look at the messages he sent me and can't help but feel guilty for not wanting to see him.

God why am I such a coward. Why can't I just talk to him. He's worried and I don't even have the decency to let him know I'm ok.

I just stare at my phone.

Remus: Sirius I know you don't want to talk to me but just know I'm sorry

I want to talk to him I really do I just can't bring myself to talk to him. I'm going to go for a drive.

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"Oh hey sirius I haven't seen you in a long time how's college" the lady at the desk ask. "It's good Ms Laurie just came to the track for a drive" I tell her. "Well have fun" she smiles.

I walk out to the track and get on my motorcycle. I put my helmet on and take off. This is the second place I come when I need to clear my head. The race track my parents own it so pretty much almost everyone knows me.

I speed up and go around a few more times. I get done and pull in the pit area and put my bike away. "Hey who are you" I hear someone ask. I turn around and see a short boy. "I'm sirius" I tell the boy. "You're not supposed to be here" the boy tells me. "I can be here I'm sirius black my parents own the place" tell the boy.

"And how do I know that's true" he starts walking towards me. "I can show you a picture of me and my parents or something" I say as I take my helmet off. "Hmm how do I know it's not photo shoped" the boy stops in front of me.

"Why would I do that" I take out my phone and show the boy the picture and my ID. "See I'm actually sirius black" I tell him. "I'm so sorry it's just my job to make sure-" I cut the boy off. "People break in yeah you must be the new security guard right" the boy backs up.

"Yeah how'd you know" the boy ask. "Miss Laurie told me a new security guard was hired" I start walking away to go get my stuff from inside the building. The boy follows still apologizing. "Listen it's fine it's your job you don't have to keep apologizing" I get my stuff and walk away.

I tell Laurie bye and leave. I start driving away till I get a call from james I pick the phone up. "Hello what do you need" I ask James. "You need to talk to remus" he tells me. "You don't think I know this" I responded. "I know you know but you don't just need to do it for him but for yourself as well because I know it's killing you on the inside not talking to him" James contuies.

"Yeah you don't think I feel guilty enough not being able to talk to him James it's killing me and I feel terrible that I can't talk to him" I start to tear up. "Sirius" James sighs. "Don't 'sirius' me I know I'm hurting him but what yall don't get is I can't physically face him and I know it's not his fault for what Allie did but it still hurt and you and every one else needs to understand that I know I'm hurting him and myself by not talking to him but I can't face him I need more time and I don't need people trying to force me to talk to him I just need people to understand that I physically can't face him" I tell him before I hang up.

God why can't people understand that I can't face him. And I know it's hurting him but I need more time and not people trying to force me to talk to him. It's going to take time but I eventually will be able to talk to him but not now u just need time.

I feel guilty enough that I can't talk to him but other people trying to force me to talk to him just makes me feel more guilty. When I'm ready I will talk to him but right now I'm not ready to talk to him and people need to understand that. And it's not like I don't want to talk to him.

I really do want to talk about what happened but I'm just not ready. That's the part everyone is having trouble understanding that I want to talk to him but can't.