Text Me When You're Free

Chapter One

Vivian.

It's been two years since I last spoke to her.

Think about her so much it hurts. It's like an ache you can never swallow.

Been thinking about how she left without a word. I've been tracing back to the things I might've said. Reroute back from the start and play it out in my head over and over again.

Where did it all go wrong? Was it something I said? I'd repeat to myself.

I'd be alone on sleepless nights, wishing I could talk to her again. Wish we could have talked it over. Wish I met her in person.

Wish I could go back to the good old days. Back when we'd spend hours just talking away and losing track of time.

She was amazing, everything about her was just. Man. Just breathtaking. Is this what it feels to be blinded with love? Being alone with your thoughts, all you would think about was her. Get so excited about seeing her again just can't sleep at all. Wanting so much more of her it activates your primal instincts to wanna suffocate her with hugs and kisses.

Vivian. Her name is a siren's call. God, perhaps this is why poets exist. Simple words can't express nor describe how amazing your loved one can be in ones eyes.

I remember it was two months since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend before I met Vivian. One of Mike's friends flicked a flustered text asking if the picture he took was her with another guy.

At first, I thought he was just doing his usual shit-posting of which I'd typically roll my eyes back to where I was, but a familiar face made me take a second glance at it till it locked my attention.

There she was, with some guy I don't know,

holding hands.

My heart sank. Part of me didn't want to believe it was true. My brain blue-screened, trying to process the million churning thoughts in my head. No. It can't be true, I'd tell myself in denial. I thought I knew her enough to know that she would never pull something like that.

Scrolling picture after picture, she leaned towards his shoulder. A flurry of emotions was ripping away at my chest in a tornado cocktail of what I believe was anger, denial and betrayal. Everything was blurring. My world was spinning. Spinning like my life was being flushed down the toilet. No. No fucking way. No, no no n-

And then something snapped. It was that moment when I felt my heart literally tear itself in half. Someone once told me people can die from broken hearts. Personally feeling it myself, I thought I did die. How wrong I was thinking I could hack pain.

There I am, lying awake in bed. Tracing back my memories, pressing play, rewind, play and repeat over and over till I died inside again and again. All it did was leave a sick feeling in my gut. Everything I knew about her, everything we felt together seems to have crumbled away in the wind like it was nothing. Felt like I was thrown across the side of the curb in the pouring rain, beaten up and getting a mouthful of mud.

Mike dropped by often to cheer me up. He'd try drag me out on Thursdays for a couple of drinks at Perrie's and buy tickets for the game on the weekends, but I wasn't biting at all despite downing several drinks. Funny, we were once both piss drunk and Mike was the one who introduced me to her at a club one night. He gave away that hint of regret of ever hooking me up with her in the first place and would scold himself for being such an idiot. But I'd reassure him with a look of "don't beat yourself up bro" and then a "it is what it is".

Mike was that one guy you'd end up being with like how introverts make friends: they come to you and never let go. They're the type of people that like to force others out of their shell. Handcuff you to his own and give you the excited notion of saying that you can't leave. You're doing what he's doing. You be like he does. You're friends with his friends. Mike's outgoing demeanor is so contagious, I seem to forget what I was even afraid of talking to people in the first place. At first you wanna take things at your own pace, but he's like nah you're making friends right now, now kiss! And throw you in the deep end of the pool like the sadist he is. We had this unbreaking bond of brotherhood between us, that we always had each other's back through ups and downs.