You're in Love || EN ||

You can feel it on the way home

Turns out Derek did end up choosing Meredith.

But he was too late. Or rather, his wife was quicker.

It's Thanksgiving, two weeks since their talk in Joe's bar, and Meredith is hiding in the hospital.

She feels terrible about it, but Izzie's need to have a nice traditional dinner is a little much for her mental well-being. It takes so much energy to seem okay on an ordinary day; she doesn't need to fake smiles at Thanksgiving dinner, too.

This is better. The others don't need her there, anyway. She would just infect them with her crappy mood.

Meredith was surprised to see Addison and Derek were in the hospital, too. She doesn't know why. Maybe she thought they would celebrate together since Meredith officially ended things with him and Addison was his wife. Still. When will they finally get a divorce?

Why do I care?

When she is looking for Derek to tell him about the comatose patient who looked at her, she finds them arguing about something, standing in front of the elevator. Luckily, Addison had to go to the NICU, so they just said a quick hello before the redhead disappeared behind the elevator doors. But it was still enough to make Meredith's heart quicken and cheeks flush.

Meredith stops thinking about Addison and focuses on her and Derek's patient. Seeing him wake up after so long makes her heart break. In some ways, she sees herself in him. He was living his life happy and fulfilled, and then something tragic happened, leaving him confused and hurt.

To the last moment, Meredith believed he would live. Because otherwise, what's the point? Why would the universe let him wake up, let him feel all this hope, and then kill him with a tumor?

If she lets herself feel the hope and love she's beginning to feel for Addison, will she end up the same way – hurt and broken beyond repair?

After the surgery, Meredith ignores Derek asking her if she's okay and continues to scrub her arms furiously. She is taking deep breaths, not willing to cry in front of him. She barely dries her hands before running out of the scrub room, chest tight and gaze blurry.

Meredith stumbles into the nearest on-call room and starts pacing back and forth from one end to the other. She's trying to count to ten and focus on taking deep breaths. But her chest and throat are still too tight, not letting the air through.

I can't breathe.

Meredith reaches for her pager. It almost fell out of her grasp, and her hands trembled so much she couldn't see what she was typing, but she managed to send her location and 911 to Cristina. At least, she hopes it's Cristina.

While waiting, she sits on the bed, leaning against the cold wall and hugging her knees close to her chest. Her throat is burning, and her chest feels like it's going to explode.

"Meredith!" Derek's voice coming from behind the on-call room door makes her jump. The pure concern in his tone fuels her anger.

Why do you care so much?

"I know you're in there. Are you okay?"

Why couldn't you tell me the truth in the beginning?

Focusing on her anger surprisingly makes breathing easier. The tightness in her chest and throat lessens, and she can take a deep breath. But her victory is soon followed by tears falling down her cheeks. Feeling a lump beginning to form in the back of her throat, she puts her hand over her mouth, willing not to let the sobs out.