『Kilonova』『Stray Kids X GN!Reader』

☄️『1』☄️

Warnings : mental health struggle, mention of suicidal thoughts.

Watching the stars and planets from a telescope in my little apartment in Seoul was all I could do. I knew I was never going to go in this gigantic and beautiful unexplored space that is our universe and pursue my actual passion, the only thing that keeps me interested in this life. Perhaps I'm a little pessimistic, I have an okay family, enough funds to live, an okay job and friends so what can I complain about right? I have everything I need, everything that could make me want to live.... But this is wrong, why would I want to live a life that do not interest me? Why would I want this? Why can't I be happy with what I have like most people? I know I'm not the only one feeling this way, but is it so wrong of me to want to be listen to and understood by someone who won't try to compare me to others or make my life an unwanted competition? Can't I just...

Minji
-"Y/N? Y/N! Stop daydreaming and answer us!"

Y/N
-"Uh? Ah... Sorry, what was the discussion about again?"

Ji Woo
-"Hannah's brother birthday! She wants us to come so she isn't the only girl since he's apparently only inviting guys."

Hannah
-"Yup! So? Wanna come Y/N? Please please please!"

Y/N
-"When exactly is it?"

Hannah
-"On the 3rd of October, but he wants to do it the 6th since it'll be the weekend, so basically at the end of the week."

Y/N
-"Oh... But that would mean missing the blood moon..."

Minji
-"Is a colored moon really more important than your bestfriends?"

Y/N
-"... No. Of course not."

Hannah
-"Hey you don't have to come if you don't want to! And Minji there's no need to make them look like a bad friend."

Minji
-"Oh! Wait! That wasn't my intention at all! I'm so sorry if it seemed like it Y/N! Of course you're not a bad friend! On the contrary!"

Y/N
-"It's okay." I said with a chuckle seeing her panicked reaction

Ji Woo
-"Hey but what if you take your telescope and watch that moon from Hannah's room? That way you can come and you'll still be able to see the red moon!"

Y/N
-"That could work but my telescope is pretty big and I don't want it to get damaged while I'm transporting it."

Ji Woo
-"Oh... Yeah I didn't think of that, my bad."

Y/N
-"I'll just come don't worry, I guess it's not that much of a problem to miss it since we get multiple of them in a year anyways."

Hannah
-"Great! Well, I'll see all of you at my house at the end of the week then! I'm sorry I gotta go back to the studio! Have a nice day you all!"

Y/N
-"I think I'll go as well, have a nice day!"

Minji and Ji Woo
-"Thank you, you guys too!"

And just like that, I left the little cafe we were in to go back to my apartment. I live pretty far from the cafe but still walk to it, I get to see the pretty sceneries this way at least... I felt a sigh leaving my lips as I was looking up at the sky, it looked so beautiful, like a painting almost, a painting mixing red, orange, pink and purple hues and having the sun slowly leave the canva all in a swift motion leaving only the moon to shine and the stars to illuminate even more the now dark blue sky. Starting from September, Seoul had less people going out at night, probably because of the number of tourist who left when their vacations ended and the people here, adults and teenagers, all having a life full of work and not having much self care time outside of weekends and breaks, much like most people on this earth is my guess. I walked until I arrived in a pretty forgotten street that had only a 7/11 open at this time and a bunch of apartment buildings. I entered into the building my apartment is situated in, quickly took the elevator and got into my little home, making sure to lock the door. I took off my shoes and coat, putting them at the entrance, throwing my bag on the couch in the living room and taking off my clothes as I entered my room, putting them in a laundry basket next to the door then going directly to the bathroom, opening the shower doors and putting hot water on to take a trip in my imaginary world, where I finally felt good, where I belong, in a perfect world. A world full of stars, the sky always showing it's full potential and not getting hidden by light pollution or getting destroyed slowly by human beings. A place where everyone and everything lives in harmony.

Even if I did not want to, I had to leave this imaginary world and come back to reality, it was getting darker and darker outside as the moon was reaching it's highest point for us tonight, I slowly got into my pajama and put myself into my bed under my duvet, hugging it close to me tightly to give me a bit of comfort and heat that I was so badly missing and wanting. The usual temperature we had here were usually pretty hot but this Fall? It was cold. Extremely cold. Summer had come in Spring and now Winter was coming earlier in Fall. Perhaps, as rare and unbelievable as it is, we'll get snow this Winter... I could only hope to see some, even if it probably meant that something bad was happening, who could really blame someone who never saw snow for hoping to finally see some after years of existence?

I slowly hummed to help myself fall asleep quicker, and soon enough I was sound asleep, waiting for morning to come while dreaming once again of that land that was always so perfect in my eyes.

The morning came by quicker than expected, that was the start of my boring life once again. My days were all similar, getting up and preparing for work, going to work in a nearby high school as a chemistry teacher, teaching classes in which half of the students does not listen to the lesson and are getting their nights back, which I can't really blame and instead try to help them get back on track afterward, eat, go back to teaching, go back home to prepare my next lessons and to prepare tests or to mark tests, eat once again, and finally get prepared for bed and go to bed. I guess this is the life of every teacher, although I'm only 24, I do enjoy that life from time to time, as much as I dislike routines and would like to just leave this world, I guess it brings me some sort of reason to keep going, I'm also pretty introverted and I'm not a fan of parties unlike most of my friends so a life like this is okay with me.

Y/N
-"Think Y/N..." I mutter to myself in my bed "This year, a new break has been added to the school calendar, from the 6th of October to the 6th of November as a Halloween break, which is exactly when Hannah's brother is having his birthday, fall's pretty perfectly huh... Alright, only four more days to go until the break..." I added before falling asleep once again.

And just like that, I kept myself going for four days. Four days of struggle for not only me but the students and other teachers as well as the school staff. Four days of trying to motivate ourselves to get out of bed and live. Four days that looked like every other days of the month, the year, and the previous years. Days, months and years of tiredness taking over everyone, making everybody struggle to live and struggle to want to live.