My Abusive African Husband

Aftermath

"John?"

"Yes Anita."

John looks up at me, whilst eating his breakfast. He hasn't really smiled at me since our date. "My mother is asking if we can visit, she really wants to see me and it's been a month since I last saw her."

"I see, you have been avoiding me these last few weeks."

I lower my head

"No John, I just don't want to bother you anymore. Remember we had agreed that other day that I'd go with you,"

John sits silently and chews his meal. Bacon, I'd made it especially for him to try and make him say yes. The silence frightens me so I speak up once more.

"Well John, it's just we didn't visit her that weekend even after we promised. I feel if we don't go she'll start to get the wrong idea."

As I stood watching him eat his meal in silence, begging him internally to answer me. John remained silent, most likely thinking of the harshest way to say no.

"I see, well perhaps we can make the most of this." What does he mean by that, is he saying no.

"Ever since I showed you how to use the washing machine, you've somehow managed to make that your excuse to avoid me."

I don't say anything, I know he's telling the truth. I am more shocked that John paid that much attention to me. I felt like a fly in his life sometimes

"Are you afraid of me Anita?"

What should I say? Should I tell him the truth? I'm still standing looking down as he questions me

"Anita, come sit down."

I look at him and he beckons the chair near him. I don't want to be too close so I decide it's best to keep my distance and sit on the opposite side. I try to ease myself on to the chair, with as little noise as possible

"Anita, I don't want you to be afraid of me. It's why I don't ever force myself on you."

I only realise now that I'm constantly avoiding eye contact with him. It had been a while since I actually sat with John. I could no longer look him in the eye.

"Anita please, just look at me. I won't hurt you."

I raise my face, match his gaze but I see pain in his eyes.

"Anita, look, about what happened, I shouldn't have hit you, it's just you're so difficult"

I wondered what about me made me difficult, what did I possibly do that made me give off that impression

"Anita you have to forgive me and if I promise to go, will you forgive me. For our marriage's sake?"

How could John say I have to forgive him, did he think I could just forget. Everyday I relieve that moment. That moment, that first date.

"Anita, please say something?"

All that was running through my mind was the idea of forgetting, forgetting what happened.

"John, I don't want to upset you. I just want to be a good wife and make you happy."

"Yes Anita you do make me happy, you are a good wife."

"Then please John, may we see my mother. Just so that my family knows I'm fine"

John hesitates

"Well would you mind if I bring my mother with us?"

That was a strange request, I wasn't expecting it. Was this what he meant by making the most of it?