It was 8:15 PM. I had already "gone to bed." Then I decided to do something I would do. I put a sign on my door that said, "Do Not Disturb."
My mom is usually respectful to privacy because she knows that I'm emotional and that I like to be alone.
Then I locked my door, and just in case, I put my bean bag in front of the door, and I turned my location off. By then, it was 8:30.
I climbed out my window and closed the curtains. Then I walked to the playground.
When I got at the playground, Jacob was standing there waiting for me. He went up to me. He grabbed me by my waist and kissed me.
Afterwords I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the swings. Then we both sat by each other, but instead of the normal swing position. We turned around to face each other.
He caressed my hair and smiled at me.
Then he stopped caressing my hair and put his hand on my face. He passionately rubbed his hand on my face and stared into my eyes.
Then I looked away to break the awkwardness. All of a sudden, I felt him tickling me.
I started laughing, and we fell on the ground on top of each other. I was laughing so hard I was crying. He got up, and I quickly sat moutain style. I was a little embarrassed.
"Why are you hiding your face?"He asked. He started to attack me like a monster playfully.
Then, I started to get traumatizing memories of being raped. His attacking felt familiar. My heart immediately started to race.
I told him to get off me, but I don't think he heard me. I started crying and breathing heavy.
Then I punched him in the face.
He got off me and put his hand on his face. I got up with tears still in my eyes, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean it. You just reminded me of something."
I ran away, but I almost tripped over the beam balance. Luckily, he caught me. "Get away from me,"I shouted.
I broke out his arms and fell on the ground crying. I felt so embarrassed because I couldn't control the tears pouring out.
"I'm sorry."
He kneeled down to the ground. I let him grab my hands. I looked down, trying to hide my face. Tears dropped on the ground continuously.
He moved my hair out of my face and behind my ear. He put his hand on the bruise on my face.
"I'm sorry, I guess I just felt like I was- I felt like I was. Ugggh! I don't even know what to say. This is why I should've just stayed home."
He moved his hand off my face and made his way to my arm. He looked into my eyes and said, " What were you going to say?"
"Nothing, I can't tell you anymore." He grabbed my arm and mumbled, "Look at me." I continued to look down, so he snatched me by my arm and shouted, "Look at me!"
I looked at him with fear for a moment, and the tears came out of my eyes. The anger in his eyes faded. He sighed, "Fuck, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Sorry"
I didn't answer I just looked down. I didn't cry anymore.
"Kayla, I love you." He said. I still didn't answer. He moved my hair out the way and started to kiss me, but he stopped after he realized I wasn't going to kiss him back he stopped.
It was silent, so I said, "I'm sorry for everything." Then I got up and walked home.
