I woke up this morning and called Jacob. I wanted to tell him sorry for giving him a hard time.
He said it was fine and that I didn't give him a hard time. I felt relieved to hear that. I asked if he wanted to see me today, and he said he did.
We waited for my mother to go to work.
When he climbed through my window, he gave me a bottle of pills. I think it's really sweet that he thought about that. Most guys don't.
"I already took a plan B pill, but thank you."
My mom knows I have them, but she doesn't know I started having sex with boys yet. I would tell her l, but I don't want her to know about Jacob.
"Kayla, please don't do that again. I was so pissed off that I let you do that."
"It's fine." I said, and then I kissed him.
I wasn't even done opening my eyes when he picked me up and spun me around.
"Woah, Jacob!"
He put me down and pinned me against the wall. We started kissing. When we stopped kissing, I pushed him away gently and walked to my bed. He sat beside me and held my hand.
"Thank you for everything." I said. Then I hugged him. He told me I didn't have to thank him.
"Jacob, I have a question." He looked into my eyes. " How much did you read?" I asked.
"I read up until the eleventh."
"Fuck." I said and buried my face into my knees. He grabbed my hand, but I snatched away. He was trying to talk to me, but I was crying so hard I couldn't speak.
He was shaking me. I started coughing. He gave me a hug, and I calmed down slowly.
"Did you read it all?"
"No, I only got to the part when your stepdad came home. Was that the day?"
I nodded my head. It was silent for minute.
I got up and walked to my drawer and grabbed my diary. I sat it on the bed beside him.
"Read it."
"Please."
I sat beside him. He didn't do anything, so I picked it up and put it in his hands.
He opened it and continued where he left off. We read it together.
When we got upstairs, he started helping me with my homework. One of the topics was about sex. That's when things started to get awkward. He told me he could show me how it worked. I felt so uncomfortable. I told him I wanted to do my homework on my own, but he kept insisting. I tried to get up, but he grabbed me. I kept asking him to let me go and pulling away. He grabbed me by my arm and pinned me to my bed. I was crying, screaming, and fighting for him to let me go. He told me to shut the fuck up. "Please don't." I begged. "Shut up. I know you've done this before you little slut. Why else would you wear those slutty outfits everyday?" Those words hit me. I never saw anything wrong with what I wore until today. I started crying. He lifted up my skirt and pulled my underwear off. I sat there in silence, crying. "You pathetic little bitch." He punched me in the face. I never knew he was this violent. He started raping me, so I started crying. It lasted for about 20 minutes. "So you weren't lying?" He got up and zipped his pants up. I sat up."Why were you pretending to be a hoe? You didn't have to do all that that to get me to fuck you. I've always wanted to." My face was buried into my knees. I was trying to drown out his words, but I couldn't. He left. I felt so angry at myself for letting that happen to me. I should've seen the signs, and I shouldn't have been wearing something like that. I got up and was going to burn my skirt out of anger. I grabbed the lighter out of my drawer. I put the lighter close to my skirt, but I couldn't do it. I dropped it and started crying. I lit the lighter and started burning my palm instead. I sighed of relief. When my mom got home, I wanted to tell her, but he kept following her around everywhere. When we finally got a moment alone, he told me that I might as well stop because she wasn't going to believe me. I knew she would, but I couldn't get to her alone. It's one 1:00 A.M. I'm sitting at the playground right now. I didn't feel safe sleeping at home, so I snuck out of the house. I don't think I will get any sleep tonight.
I picked up my diary and closed it. I just looked down. He asked how I felt, and I formed a small smile on my face.
"I feel relieved that I let that out." He smiled at me. I kissed him.
"I love you, Jacob."
"I love you, Kayla."
