Forget-me-not | Seungmin

Cynthia

Cynthia laid with her head up against the glass window. Her arms wrapped around her body. Her feet were shifted away from Flora as she drove. The two of them headed back from the hospital in silence. Flora picked up on Cynthia's mood, but she didn't say anything about it. 

A wide variety of cars passed them by. The whooshing of the pavement beneath the car led to an uncomfortable silence. Flora kept her eyes on the road, but she kept taking quick peeks over at Cynthia. After a while, she finally spoke. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"No," Cynthia mumbled. Her arms tightened around her torso. She curled into herself like a small child. The two continued to drive until she spoke again. "I can't remember anything." 

"You'll get your memories back an-" 

"Did you not hear the doctor and the occupational therapist?" Cynthia snapped. "I might never remember anything ever again! Nothing about my parents or about school or about big life events. I can't remember anything!"

"Cynthia, I-" 

"Shut up! You don't get it! It's so easy for you to say that things will come back. It's easy for you to have faith, but it's different actually living it. I don't know who I am and I might never know!" Her bottom lip trembled. "So just shut up!" 

Flora stayed quiet and let Cynthia continue. The occupational therapist said this could be a tedious process. Emotions might run high for a while. She tried not to let Cynthia's outburst bother her. 

"I don't know," Cynthia's voice broke, "w-who I am." A strangled sob came from the back of her throat. She curled into herself further trying to make herself disappear. She wished she could disappear after all of this. 

A soft ticking filled the air. Flora turned on her emergency flashers and shifted the vehicle onto the side of the road. She unlocked the doors, got out, and walked over to Cynthia's car door. She pulled her door open carefully, so Cynthia didn't fall out while she was leaning up against the door. 

Once the door was open, Flora leaned over Cynthia, unbuckled her seat belt, and pulled her into her chest. Loud sobs became muffled in Flora's emerald coat. The coat was so thick that she couldn't feel the tears against her chest. An arm went around the back of Cynthia. 

"I-I feel so stupid," Cynthia got out in between a sob. "I don't know anything and I can't remember things a-and-" She sucked in a breath and another sob tumbled out before she could finish her sentence. 

"Shh, I know." Flora's hand ran down her back. "It must be so frustrating and upsetting. You're alright, let it all out." 

She didn't know how long the two of them stayed along the edge of the road. An occasional car passed by now and then. Curious looks were tossed in their direction, but both women were too preoccupied to realize it. 

Another arm was slung around Cynthia's shoulders. It took quite a bit before Cynthia's sobs faded away. She was left exhausted with puffy eyes. The tops of her cheeks were stained red from sobbing. With a final sniffle, she pulled away. Her gloved fingers reached up and brushed the tears beneath her eyes. 

"Are you alright?" Flora asked. 

Cynthia nodded. 

"I think I know something that will cheer you up." 

"What?" 

"You always liked to make cookies, drink hot chocolate, and watch your favorite movies this time of year. You cover yourself with blankets and snuggle up on the couch. It's one of your favorite things to do." 

"Can we do that?" 

"Yeah," Flora smiled at her. "Why don't you get back inside the car and buckle yourself again? There's a store nearby, so we can pick up some stuff. After that, we'll go home and you can pick out a movie." 

Another sniffle came from Cynthia and she nodded. She shifted and moved back into the car. Flora shut her car door and went back to her side of the car. She slipped inside, buckled her own seat belt, and headed in the direction of the store. 

The two went back to driving in silence. A few stray tears dripped down Cynthia's face. She felt better after she got everything out of her system. The doctor's appointment went great. Her doctor said she was healing properly and on the right track. 

When it came to occupational therapy, she felt like an idiot. More than half the questions the occupational therapist asked, she didn't know. Her frustration about everything continued growing and growing until it burst mid-drive. 

The therapist hadn't meant to offend her. He was only trying to help her. She was asked a variety of different questions and struggled to come up with the answers for them. Questions about the past, questions about the present, questions about the future. 

The future was terrifying. How was she supposed to look to the future when she couldn't remember the past? She could barely remember the present. Flora was the one helping her stay on track right now. She didn't remember her doctor appointments or the occupational therapy appointment. 

Her concussion wasn't helping anything and it caused her to be restless and bored. Flora only decided to let her watch a movie today because she asked the doctor. For a while, the doctor hadn't wanted Cynthia to use screens. The bright lights, loud sounds, and sudden movements were a fear.

 The last thing anyone wanted was to set back Cynthia's healing progress. Today was the first day she had been cleared to use screens. Maybe now she could do something besides going on walks with Flora, coloring with crayons, and talking. There was only so much you could do after being severely injured. 

"What kind of cookies can we make?" Cynthia finally asked in a hoarse voice. 

"There are kinds with chocolate in them and there's some with cinnamon and sugar. Some have icing on the top and they have sprinkles." Flora continued explaining happily. 

It was nice to be distracted from her guilt about everything.