Forget-me-not | Seungmin

Seungmin

"So how are you?" 

"I'm fine." 

Chan glanced over at Seungmin from the driver's seat. He was staring outside the passenger window. He picked Seungmin up after the guys finished at the studio the next day. Seungmin decided to hang out at home that morning instead of returning to the studio. 

"No, you're not." 

"Seriously, I'm fine." 

Chan's eyes went back to the road. One hand rested on his thigh while the other was comfortably against the wheel. His fingers tightened around it. "You don't have to lie to me. I know there's something bothering you." 

"Is it that obvious?" 

"Just tell me what it is. It's Cynthia, isn't it? I know how much you want to see her." 

Seungmin's voice came out in a whisper. "I just want to make sure she's alright. I'm terrified that she might not be adjusting well. It's my fault that she was injured and I-" 

"It's not your fault." 

"But it is. The sasaengs were mine. They chased after her because they were crazy over me. You don't understand it, they went after her be-" 

"Was it Lee Know's fault when his parents' house address got leaked because a sasaeng followed him there and took photos?" Chan didn't wait for him to finish. "What about that time when Felix and Han went to a cafe and got mobbed because a sasaeng followed them there and sent their location to a group chat?" 

"That's entirely different!" 

"How?" 

"I..." Seungmin trailed off. "I don't know, it just is! What happened to them was awful and an invasion of privacy, but it's different for Cynthia. She got injured and the injury drastically changed her life. It's my fault!" 

"You didn't tell people to follow your girlfriend. You didn't tell them to chase her and rear end her. That was something out of your control. Do you know who you should be blaming? The people that did that. You didn't put Cynthia into this situation, but they did." 

"I can't help it, hyung. I keep replaying that day over and over in my head. Maybe if I would have called off work or if I would have gone in a few minutes earlier or later. The time would have changed and her life would have been different. This wouldn't have happened." 

He reached back and tugged a hand through his brunette hair. "I can't help, but blame myself. When you're in a relationship, you're supposed to be there for the person you love. You're supposed to help them and keep them safe. I'm a shitty boyfriend because she's injured and I can't even be there for her." 

Chan stayed silent. He turned on his turn signal and began to make a turn. Seungmin's eyes went out to the busy streets of Seoul. Everyone was getting off of work, so traffic was backed up. People were along the sidewalks and traffic came to a steady crawl. 

"Sometimes I get upset because Flora doesn't want me to see Cynthia, but sometimes I understand it. What am I supposed to say to her? 'Hi, I'm Kim Seungmin and I'm your boyfriend. You were in a car accident because I have some fans that can't understand boundaries and they're psychopaths?'"

"I think you forget how much Cynthia loves you." 

"No, she used to love me. If she found out the truth, she'd probably hate me. Flora said she wasn't telling Cynthia the reason behind the car accident. She's just telling her that it was an unfortunate accident." 

Chan reached back with a hand and grabbed the back of his neck. The pair stopped at a stoplight. He let out a sigh before he began to speak. "What happened is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's an awful thing that happened, but what about you?" 

"What about me?" 

"You can't just toss your feelings off to the side. Cynthia might not remember you, but you remember her. Don't you think you deserve a bit of closure?" 

Seungmin scoffed, "if you think Flora is going to let that happen, you're insane. She's never going to let me see Cynthia ever again. She's just as crazy as those sasaengs." 

"Has she always been friends with Cynthia?" 

"I think they've been friends for five years, if I remember right. The two of them are best friends. Cynthia said they met right after high school. Cynthia was working at a cafe and Flora was one of her regulars." 

"Have you tried talking to her about how you feel?" 

"Talking to Flora is like talking to a brick wall. She refuses to hear anything that she doesn't want to hear." Seungmin rolled his eyes. "She has always hated me ever since I started dating Cynthia." 

"Has there ever been a proper reason for that?" 

"Apparently, she's been worried about Cynthia's safety which I understand. Especially after this accident, I get it. It's not like I'm purposefully putting Cynthia in danger. We're careful when we go out and we're secretive about a lot of things. This car accident has fucked up everything." 

"This is just a random thought, but could she be jealous of the relationship you have with Cynthia?" 

"Why would she be jealous?" 

"You'll have to correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you said Cynthia grew up without a lot of friends. She only had like two friends, right?" 

"What does that have to do with anything?" 

"After you started dating Cynthia, the two of you went on dates a lot. Within three months, the two of you moved in together. Cynthia came to a lot of our events and you took up a lot of her time." 

"But she still saw Flora," Seungmin objected. 

Chan shrugged, "probably not as much as she used to. If she was seeing Cynthia multiple days a week and then you entered, it's understandable how Flora could get jealous." 

Seungmin crossed his arms over his chest. "That's a stupid reason to get jealous. She could have just asked to hang out with Cynthia more or something." 

"Maybe she did and Cynthia turned her down. We don't know what happened. Maybe that's not it, but that's what it seems like from my perspective." 

"I don't know what to do with that information." 

"Maybe you can try talking to her?" Chan offered. 

Seungmin slammed his head back against the headrest. The back of his shirt slid up as he slumped down into his seat. He kept his arms crossed over his chest while he stared outside. 

Talking to Flora without mentioning Cynthia was the last thing he wanted to do.