Ineffable One-Shots

The Night After Armageddon

     So... that was all? Seems like it. 
The Armageddon was over, the Earth and all the people were saved, most of them did not even manage to notice that something extraordinary and unusual was happening. 
It was all over in only a few days but the angel and the demon both consider it as their most exciting and nerve-wracking adventure they've ever been through. And let me tell you they've been through a lot together. Over the 6,000 years, they have not found many opportunities to rest. 
Around 2,000 B.C. after reading the Epis of Gilgamesh, the angel decided to take a little break from sleeping and focus on poems, which he found very interesting. However, the break was extended a little. Let's just say he's never slept since. 

     That is also why he was surprised by the demon inviting him to stay over after his bookshop burned down to ashes. The shop became his home after some time, he spent most of his time there and did all kinds of stuff there. But what he never used it for was for sleeping.  Even though he had his bed, which was big enough for at least three people, he had never once laid on it and closed his eyes. Not because the bed was uncomfortable, it actually looked like a big soft cake or marshmallow. He just never felt the need to sleep. And the demon knew it very well. 

      "Oh, dear Crowley," he said nervously rubbing the label of the bottle, "that is very nice of 
you."
He could see Crowley rolling his eyes with a little smirk on his face.
"But I do not really need a place to stay over the night. You know I can just wander around the woods, which I do quite often, it really helps me clear my mind from all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. And once I get cold I'll just go to the local shop that is open all day. "
"You really think I'll let you spend the night at the gas station?"
"Well... The lady working there is very nice. She once gave me a pack of chocolate bonbons for free."
Even though it did not really mean much, Crowley could feel cheeks heating up from anger and jealousy.
"Angel, I have a damn huge apartment a family could easily live in just for myself. It won't kill me to share it with you."
Once the label was gone, Aziraphale took another small sip of the red whine. 
"Not mentioning I'd appreciate some company. I don't think I'd be able to sleep very well after what happened."
Aziraphale giggled and handed the bottle to Crowley. 
"That is quite true, my dear. It was indeed a very unusual week."

     "Are we close?" Aziraphale asked trying his best not to scream at Crowley to stop the car.
"Yeah, yeah, almost there. You know, I can't believe you've never been to my apartment yet."
Aziraphale could feel the car slowing down a little. What a relief.
"I guess you never invited me before."
"Maybe I should've. Y'know, I have lots of flowers. They piss me off sometimes but you'd understand each other."
"Oh... do I irritate you as well?"
"Ergh, no, no. Certainly not as much. I mean they do have a lot of mistakes but I just can't throw them out for some reason."
"You like them, Crowley."
"What? No, I don't! I'm a demon, I don't think we even have the ability to like something. Bleh. I just yell at them most of the time, really helps calm me down."
Aziraphale couldn't help himself but laugh. He imagined the dear demon screaming at the poor plants.
"Oh, Crowley, don't be silly."
"I'm not... silly! I'll let you try it, trust me, it makes one feel so much better."
"Well, I am not quite sure if I'll be able to experience it. You know, right now I don't think I feel any unpleasant emotions I would want to get rid of."
He carefully put his hand on the demon's and slowly stroked it with his chubby fingers trying not to cut him with his golden rings. At that moment he could feel Crowley not paying much attention to the road in front of them. He had to shout "Crowley, oh, God, look out!" to prevent them from hitting the fire hydrant a few times. 

     Once Crowley opened the door of his apartment just by snapping his fingers, Aziraphale could feel an unpleasant feeling in his nose that made him sneeze immediately. 
"You good, Angel?" Crowley asked worriedly. 
Aziraphale wiped his nose on his cloth handkerchief.
"Yes, yes, but tell me, my dear. Do you perhaps also have tulips here?"
"Tulips? Don't tell me you're allergic to tulips," Crowley laughed a little.
"I'm afraid I am," Aziraphale smiled feeling quite embarrassed. 
Just after he said it, Crowley quickly snapped his fingers one more time and turned around. 
"I already told you I'd hate you less if you were geraniums!" 
"Oh, no, you don't need to yell at them, it's not their fault. Actually, I really like tulips, I just can not get too close to them."
Crowley nodded and went to his little kitchen he'd never used before. 
"Do you want a... I forgot what it's called. The thing you drink."
"Tea, my dear, tea," Aziraphale chuckled, "a green one, please."
Another snap. Crowley picked up the cup of boiling tea and handed it to the angel. 
"What? You didn't really think I have such thing as tea here, did you?"
"Oh. Would you like to take a sip?"
Crowley stuck his tongue out as a sign of disgust and sat on his sofa. Without asking, Aziraphale joined him. 
"So," Crowley said not too sure where to begin, "rate today. One to ten."
"Hm... That is a tricky question. Perhaps... an eight."
"An eight? That's pretty high considering the fact you almost got killed and had to possess the body of a crazy old lady," Crowley smirked and looked at Aziraphale.
Aziraphale laughed. Crowley felt his cheeks heating up once again but this time not because of rage. 
"That part was actually pretty funny. Not the most pleasing one but funny for sure. But what I liked about it the best was that we could spend so much time together. The last time I had so much fun was probably in 1941, you remember that, right?"
"Oh, yes. How could I forget."

     After that, they both stayed sitting there in complete silence for a few minutes. None of them was sure what to sure. It was a very awkward silence. Aziraphale could only think about the happiness he felt while working alongside the demon he'd wanted to get closer to for so long. But at the same time, it made him feel quite blue. 
Every single time they had so much fun it ended somehow.  And not for a while. For a couple of years. The angel would never admit it to anyone but every time the demon disappeared, he would lock himself in the bookshop for a couple of days and cry. At times like that, he wouldn't even eat. The longest he's been without food was three months. Not considering the time before he had his first bite ever. All because of Crowley. 
He did not want this to end. Not now, not ever. But he was too shy to talk to them demon about it. So he decided to just stare at his cup of tea, which somehow got cold already, and take a sip sometimes. 
Crowley seemed to be lost in his thoughts as well as he was staring into nowhere. Just after about five minutes one of them finally decided to break the annoying silence. 
"When you said that it's over, our cooperation I mean, did you really mean it?" Crowley asked carefully still staring everywhere but at the angel. 
Aziraphale raised his head and looked at him. 
"I...," he squeezed the cup, "no. Of course I didn't."
"Why did you say it then?"
"I don't... I don't know. I was just really... angry and nervous and stressed... I was also really scared of those," he pointed at the ceiling, "above. You know, they don't really like to see an angel working with a demon. Especially on such a huge thing as Armageddon was. I just... I just really did not want to fall, you know... Because I can see how much it broke you."
Crowley winked a few times. 
"Broke me?"
"Yes! I mean... Look, the first time I met you, you looked so happy and excited. You were the most gorgeous angel I've seen in my life. Once I saw your eyes lighting up with the stars you just created, I couldn't help but fall for you."
Crowley's heart skipped a beat. He wasn't sure if he wanted to pull the angel to his chest and kiss his beautiful soft feathers-like hair or to faint. 
He just sat there in silence, nervous and excited for whatever the angel says next. 
"But once you've become a demon, I've never seen you smile in the same way you did. And that made me so sad. I actually learned some magic tricks to make you smile. But it didn't really work. At least not as much as I wanted to."
Crowley exhaled: "You learned them... for me?"
Aziraphale nodded two times. 
"I know I'm a coward, but I was so afraid of suffering like you do now. I'm so sorry. But in reality, I loved the idea of having our own side! Working with you was so much!"
"Angel," Crowley sighed and after a second of hesitation, he took Aziraphale's hands to his own, "You're not a coward for not wanting to fall. Do you think I wanted it? Do you think I wasn't scared? Up until today I still sometimes find myself crying while remembering those times I was an angel creating the stars. Aziraphale, I miss it so incredibly much, you, silly angel, have no idea. You're right. It is the worst thing an angel can experience. But the only thing that keeps me happy is you. Having you by my side is like... flying in the sky."
Aziraphale wasn't sure when did Crowley get so poetic. But he sure loved it very much. 
He laid his heavy head on the demon's chest and kept listening. Crowley took the opportunity and began to play with his heavenly hair.
"With you, I feel even happier than I've ever been. If I had to choose between becoming an angel again or staying here with you as a demon, I wouldn't even hesitate. The only place I'm happy is wherever you are, my dear angel."
He placed a soft kiss on Aziraphale's hair and asked: "Do you perhaps feel like this too?"
Aziraphale nodded: "I've felt like this since you saved my books in 1941. It was as if my heart got its own wings and floated away."
Crowley smiled: "1941? I guess I really felt sooner than you."
"When did you fall?"
"To hell, I don't quite remember. But for you? I know exactly. In the garden."
"In Eden?"
"Yes. That was the very first time the demon laid his eyes on you. And I remember exactly what he thought to himself."
"What?"
Crowley smiled.
"Look at you, you're gorgeous."
Aziraphale felt like he was about to explode with emotions. Mainly love. He quickly raised his head from the demon's shoulder, put his palm on his cheek, and whispered: "You should grow your hair out again, darling."
Finally, their lips touched. For the first time in 6,000 years. Both of them could feel warm tears rolling down their rosy cheeks as Crowley kissed back, with a demonic passion. He pulled Aziraphale into his lap, one hand on his right cheek and the other in his hair. God, he loved Aziraphale's hair. Their kiss was long and loving, something they'd been waiting for for so long. All their feelings and emotions screaming and exploding right next to their heads like fireworks. 
Everything was so perfect. So perfect that nothing could destroy it. Nothin-

     "ATCHOO!" 
This was a pretty loud sneeze for someone so quiet like Aziraphale. 
"Oh, angel!" Crowley shouted in despair as he tried to wipe the angel's saliva off his face.
"Oh, God, I am so sorry, my dear! I just-... Atchoo!"
This time he managed to place his hand in front of his mouth. 
"What else are you allergic to? Don't tell me it's my undying love for you that made you sneeze."
"Don't be silly. I'm sure you must have pollen on your shirt or something. How could I be possibly allergic to something I've longed after for so long?" 
Crowley shook his head and placed a wet kiss on the angel's forehead. 
"I guess I should change to my pajamas. I suppose you don't have any. Want me to lend you a
T-shirt or something?"
Aziraphale got up from the sofa and followed him to his huge bedroom with a bed even bigger than his own.
"Yes, please! I hope it smells like you, darling!"
"Smells like my love. And my flowers."