Pit Boss // Hyunlix

Chapter twenty six

Chapter Twenty Six

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS and DEPRESSION

Hyunjins POV

My mother and I grieved together, she helped me up and back inside and we cried together. That was two days ago, I wanted so badly to talk to Felix but he wasn't responding to my texts or calls. I was also helping my mother plan my fathers funeral. It would be a small ceramony, only us and a few other bosses there paying their respect. Still my mind wouldn't stop thinking of Felix, was he okay?

I laid awake that night, knowing the next day we would be burying an empty coffin into the ground. I turn over and decide to text Felix.

"My Angel, I hope you are reading this. I don't want to keep bothering you but I just need to know if you are okay. Please anything, a sign from above that you are breathing and alive. I have my fathers funeral tomorrow, I can't sleep. I know you don't care but I have no one else to talk to. My mother came home, shes staying with me. She mostly hangs with Kkami, checking on me every now and again. I am trying to be strong for her but I can't stop thinking about you. I hope one day you can forgive me and my family for what they did to you. I miss you and love you Felix."

I press send, throwing my phone over to my side I try to fall asleep. Just then my phone goes off, I grab it quickly, seeing Felixs name pop up on my screen. I answer it right away "Felix, Angel. Thank you for calling me are you okay please let me apolgize and explain" I rush out. I can hear him crying on the other end. It broke my heart.

"I just wanted you to know I am so sorry Felix, please let me come over and be with you" I plead to him as I begin to cry. His sobs become louder, "angel" I say softly into the phone. "I found out the truth" he says shakily "I am sorry for this, I just wanted to hear your voice one last time. I love you" he says right before hanging up.

Worried I tried calling him back but I was sent straight to voice mail, I jump out of bed, grabbing my jacket as I rush out to my car. He needed me, no matter how angry or sad he was I know he needed me in that moment. Was this good bye? No he wouldn't think of hurting himself but my mind kept playing tricks on me. I repeat over and over his voice on the phone. It sounded like goodbye forever.

Felixs POV

I hung up the phone before I shut it off. I continued wandering the streets at night, letting the cold consume me. I couldn't help it, I had lost everything. I lost my parents, I lost my life, I lost my love. What else was there for me? My mind kept going back, I wish I had died in the crash, I wish I had died.

No I wish I was dead.

Coming back to the apartment I make my way in quietly, Jeongin and Changbin were asleep on the couch. I go to my room, taking out a piece of paper as I begin to cry.

"Jeongin, Ginnie, you know how much I love you? So much. You saved my life when I moved here. You became my friend and family all at the same time. I am so sorry for leaving you like this. Please forgive me but I feel the need to move on from this life. I can't control my thoughts or my mind. Just please don't blame yourself, this was my doing. My legacy. I love you Gin"

Tears littered the page, messing up some of the ink. I sign my name at the bottom I place it down on the kitchen counter so he can see it. Going back to my room I tidy up, no point in leaving more of a mess for Jeongin to clean once I am gone. Picking up my backpack something falls out of it, photos of Jeongin and I in highschool at our graduation.

They had this stupid photo booth thing, kneeling down my fingers trace over the good moments of my life. Maybe I was making the wrong choice? No I knew I wasn't. I knew that staying here in this place would do more damage than leaving it. Putting down the photo on my desk I look over my other trinkets, Jeongin and I didn't have a lot of money so when we left Marcus we just ran with whatever we could carry.

When it came time for birthdays Jeongin and I had a tradition, only spending under $10 at the local dollar store. Stupid little cheap kids toys laid all over. Every birthday we would do this. It made me laugh picking up the heart shaped plastic necklace he had given me last year. I look around my room before I make my way out of the apartment for the last time. Shutting the door quietly so they wouldnt be disturbed. I walk fast, the tears now freezing against my skin as I walk to the river.

Walking quickly on the sidewalk as few cars passed by me, only if they knew what I was planning. Would one of them stop me? Probably not. My thoughts went straight to Hyunjin, he was strong enough to move past this. He would forget about me and move on to someone new. He would be fine without me, hell his father would still be alive if I hadn't had fallen for Hyunjin.

Finally getting to my destination I look over the edge, the water moving fast unable to freeze over with the current pulling in every direction. Jeongin and I would come here in the summer, going under the bridge and playing in the water. It was like our own little oasis. I take a breath, I felt clear. I felt like this was all finally coming to an end. The hurt and pain would stop. Getting up to the cement rail I sit on it, shaking as I look over watching the water move under me.

Looking back up i stared at the full moon, the only thing bright enough to shine down on me in this moment. I stand, holding onto the post next to me. My fears were escaping my body, letting myself go was the easiest and hardest decision I have ever made. I was meant to die in the crash, why stay alive to continue to be a burden and continue to be in pain? I shut my eyes, ready to take the step to end it all but a voice calls out in the dark.

"STOP FELIX" they scream out, turning around too fast to see who was yelling I lose my balance and fall.

This was it.