SARANG - [니키]

2 | apocalypse

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Today the sun is shining brightly.

It's heating through my roller shutters i never opened for 144 days.

My desire to see the sun definitely is big but it wouldn't cause me to leave my room.
My bed surely looks messy, i need to change the bedding soon.

I have to change it since 144 days ago. I keep telling myself i need to change it.

Everyday i have in my mind.

Riki, you need to change your bedding.

But i won't. I'll never change this bedding.

The bedding in which she slept in. In which she wrapped around herself when she was cold.
In which her teddy bear still lay.

I never changed his spot for 144 days. The bear sits next to my pillow for 144 days without being used.

My mother keeps asking if she should wash him and my bedding. I always shake my head in response. Never. I'm never going to allow my mother to wash the Teddy bear Sarang forgot in my room 144 days ago.

The day, Sarang and I were together. We had fun talking the whole day long. She received a message from her dad to come home for dinner.

I asked her to have dinner with us so she wouldn't have to go home.
She just smiled while skaing her head. Despite it, she thanked me.

I still don't get how god could create such a friendly, nice, kind, loving, pretty and lovable girl like her.

Sarang didn't deserve to only experience her life until she's 17.

It hurts so much to see how she is still 17 while i'm already 18 for months.

I stand up to reach my desk. The box standing on it wasn't opened by someone for months.

It's time for me to open it again. So i doit. I open the box, revealing a bunge of letters strung together.

Some of them have a purple ribbon around it. Those are from Sarang. Mine are the ones with the birds drawn on it.

Birds.

Those were the thing Sarang loved too. She loved watching and hearing birds.

For a while, when she was sick and slept over at my place, i treated her and helped her to recover. These days I imitated birdsong so that she would wake up to her favorite melody.

I am still glad i did that. I was the one having the opportunity to cause my Sarang to laugh and smile whenever she woke up.

How much i'd give for seeing her smile again.

I take out one of the letters she wrote. My hands are trembling but despite it, i carefully remove the ribbon and open the letter.

The first words are already causing the throat knife inside me to cut deeper.

Dear Nini

She always called my like that. Once she found out about my surname, Nishimura, Sarang started to call me Nini instead of Riki, my real name.

I deeply exhale before continue reading the letter.

Dear Nini,

How are you? Today was so much fun in school. I was just sad that you weren't there :(
Yuna and I played a prank on our chemistry teacher, hell she was so mad at us.
So what are you doing, love? I bet you're on the funfair.
You always tell me how you adore going there. I really do hope we can go there once together. I want to see the city lights at night from the top of the ferris wheel !!

My parents are fighting again, i can clearly hear them from my room even though the door is closed :( I'm so glad that i spend most of my time with you, Nini.
You're really taking me to another world when i'm with you. I can forget all my worries, especially i can forget my parents.

By the way, my cousin gifted me a teddy bear as a belated birthday present! Ohh i'm so in love with him. And since you're my biggest love, i want you to give him a name.

I bet he's gonna have the greatest name on earth, you're one of the most creative persons i know.

It's currently almost 2am, i actually already have to be in bed probably but i like spending my time with writing letters for you more than sleeping in my uncomfortable bed.

I wish i could just convince my parents to move next to your place. I'd love to see you everyday in present and not per facetime everyday :(

Maybe i can convince them one day, i'll cross my fingers. I can't wait for the day i can finally hug you again, feel your soft skin and make you smile in presence. At least then i don't have to wait minutes until my messages are finally being delivered to your phone through my shitty internet connection.

And i even like your bed so much more than my one. I miss the time when my parents and i did a trip to your village and i could see you. Now that's already 2 months ago and i wish i could turn back the time to hold you in my arms longer.

Well, now i really have to sleep to not get in trouble for school tomorrow. I wish you the best my love <3
Hopefully we can see eachother asap !!

I love you to infinity,
Sarang <3

I named him gummy bear.

The bear still sitting in my bed, his name is gummy bear.

I close the letter, tie the ribbon around it again before placing it back inside the box. I push the box back to its old place.

Sarang, i wish i could hold you in my arms. I would never let you go.

I would never let anyone steal you from me.

I take out an empty paper, a pencil. And i write.

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