Fragments of Us - Upstead One Shots

❁ giving up ❁

A bottle of wine is always a good idea; a second one? Hailey probably knew better.

As of late, Hailey had often found herself sleeping in her car. Knowing going back to an empty apartment each night would only break her further. It had been a year. A full year since Jay had left. She rarely ever gets a call back, or even told if he's alive, and it had started to affect her. More so than before, turning to alcohol to disguise the empty, numbingly cold feeling she was beginning to grow powerless to.

A few sleepless hours into her drunken stupor, Hailey was laid across the back three seats of her car in a baggy gray hoodie and sweats, the soft blue glow of her phone illuminating her face as she scrolled. She wasn't looking for anything in particular, just reading through some old messages from her partner.
Partner? No... her husband. That was hard to get her head around. He wasn't her partner anymore.

In less than a second, Hailey pressed the little button in the corner of her screen, waiting for the beep. She hadn't contacted him in over a month, so calling him wasn't a decision she would have made sober.

"Hey... it's me. Uhh, when you get this... yeah. Call me back?" She suggests, her words slurring ever so slightly. Everything was quiet for a moment, the only thing the call would pick up was the shallow, sharp breaths she was struggling to steady.

A bad idea is like a lightning strike, but they happen much more regularly - a thoughtless mistake hung like deep grey clouds over their marriage as she began to speak. Her grip on her phone tightening, her tone harsh and unforgiving. "You know what? Screw it. I'm happy you left!" She declared. Overwhelmingly glad he couldn't see her misty eyes as they denied every word she spewed.

A harsh laugh spills through her gritted teeth as she continues. "You get to leave, you get to work on yourself! You need good and bad. So let me make it easy for you..."

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to quell the rapidly spinning car roof, her rage disperses, allowing a wave of sorrow to overtake her. She pushes herself up against the car door for support as barrages of tears force their way down her cheeks

"You're... you're good. You can go save other people's lives... right? I'm bad cause I can't sit and wait for you to kill yourself... I can't sit around in this car another night waiting for you to come home... cause, you probably won't! I know that. You knew that..." she sighs softly, shaking her head - the realization dawning on her as her breath hitches.

"Is that why you left?
"Is killing yourself saving others better than... us. Better than growing old with me?"

Drawing her lips into a thin line, her head drops, so does the phone. The cracked pads of her fingertips rush to dry her eyes, her voice growing louder to compensate, "Is that all I mean to you?"

"I'm done, Jay..."